“As he was leaving， he turned to me and asked， ‘What decoratingcan I do for you?’
“If I had tried to get the rent reduced by the methods the othertenants were using， I am positive I should have met with thesame failure they encountered. It was the friendly， sympathetic，appreciative approach that won.”
Years ago， when I was a barefoot boy walking through thewoods to a country school out in northwest Missouri， I read afable about the sun and the wind. They quarreled about whichwas the stronger， and the wind said， “I’ll prove I am. See theold man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off himquicker than you can.”
So the sun went behind a cloud， and the wind blew until it wasalmost a tornado， but the harder it blew， the tighter the old manclutched his coat to him.
Finally， the wind calmed down and gave up， and then thesun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on theold man. Presently， he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat.
The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness werealways stronger than fury and force.
Aesop was a Greek slave who lived at the court of Croesusand spun immortal fables six hundred years before Christ. Yetthe truths he taught about human nature are just as true inBoston and Birmingham now as they were twenty-six centuriesago in Athens. The sun can make you take off your coat morequickly than the wind; and kindliness， the friendly approach andappreciation can make people change their minds more readilythan all the bluster and storming in the world.
Remember what Lincoln said：“A drop of honey catches moreflies than a gallon of gall.”
PRINCIPLE 4：
Begin in a friendly way.
Chapter 14
The Secret of Socrates
In talking with people， don’t begin by discussing the thingson which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep onemphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing，if possible， that you are both striving for the same end and thatyour only difference is one of method and not of purpose.
Get the other person saying “Yes， yes” at the outset. Keep youropponent， if possible， from saying “No.”
A “No” response， according to Professor Overstreet， is a mostdifficult handicap to overcome. When you have said “No，” allyour pride of personality demands that you remain consistentwith yourself. You may later feel that the “No” was ill-advised;nevertheless， there is your precious pride to consider！ Oncehaving said a thing， you feel you must stick to it. Hence it isof the very greatest importance that a person be started in theaffirmative direction.
The skillful speaker gets， at the outset， a number of “Yes”
responses. This sets the psychological process of the listenersmoving in the affirmative direction. It is like the movement of abilliard ball. Propel in one direction， and it takes some force todeflect it; far more force to send it back in the opposite direction.
It is a very simple technique—this yes response. And yet， howmuch it is neglected！ It often seems as if people get a sense oftheir own importance by antagonizing others at the outset.
Get a student to say “No” at the beginning， or a customer，child， husband， or wife， and it takes the wisdom and the patience of angels to transform that bristling negative into an affirmative.
The use of this “yes， yes” technique enabled James Eberson， whowas a teller in the Greenwich Savings Bank， in New York City， tosecure a prospective customer who might otherwise have beenlost.
“This man came in to open an account，” said Mr. Eberson，“and I gave him our usual form to fill out. Some of the questionshe answered willingly， but there were others he flatly refused toanswer.
“Before I began the study of human relations， I would havetold this prospective depositor that if he refused to give the bankthis information， we should have to refuse to accept this account.
“I resolved this morning to use a little horse sense. I resolvednot to talk about what the bank wanted but about what thecustomer wanted. And above all else， I was determined to gethim saying ‘yes， yes’ from the very start. So I agreed with him. Itold him the information he refused to give was not absolutelynecessary.
“ ‘However，’ I said，‘suppose you have money in this bank atyour death. Wouldn’t you like to have the bank transfer it to yournext of kin， who is entitled to it according to law?’
“ ‘Yes， of course，’ he replied.
“ ‘don’t you think，’ I continued， ‘that it would be a good idea togive us the name of your next of kin so that， in the event of yourdeath， we could carry out your wishes without error or delay?’
“Again he said， ‘Yes.’
“The young man’s attitude softened and changed when herealized that we weren’t asking for this information for our sakebut for his sake. Before leaving the bank， this young man notonly gave me complete information about himself but he opened，at my suggestion， a trust account， naming his mother as the beneficiary for his account， and he had gladly answered all thequestions concerning his mother also.
“I found that by getting him to say ‘yes， yes’ from the outset，he forgot the issue at stake and was happy to do all the things Isuggested.”
Joseph Allison， a sales representative for Westinghouse Electriccompany， had this story to tell： “There was a man in my territorythat our company was most eager to sell to. My predecessor hadcalled on him for ten years without selling anything When I tookover the territory， I called steadily for three years without gettingan order. Finally， after thirteen years of calls and sales talk， wesold him a few motors. If these proved to be all right， an order forseveral hundred more would follow. Such was my expectation.
“Right? I knew they would be all right. So when I called threeweeks later， I was in high spirits.
“The chief engineer greeted me with this shocking announcement：‘Allison， I can’t buy the remainder of the motors from you.’
“ ‘Why?’ I asked in amazement. ‘Why?’
“ ‘Because your motors are too hot. I can’t put my hand onthem，’