书城外语跟自己说再见
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第25章 黑猫 (5)

Upon the fourth day of the assassination, a party of the police came, very unexpectedly, into the house, and proceeded again to make rigorous investigation of the premises. Secure, however, in the inscrutability of my place of concealment, I felt no embarrassment whatever. The officers bade me accompany them in their search. They left no nook or corner unexplored. At length, for the third or fourth time, they descended into the cellar. I quivered not in a muscle. My heart beat calmly as that of one who slumbers in innocence. I walked the cellar from end to end. I folded my arms upon my bosom, and roamed easily to and fro. The police were thoroughly satisfied and prepared to depart. The glee at my heart was too strong to be restrained. I burned to say if but one word, by way of triumph, and to render doubly sure their assurance of my guiltlessness.

"Gentlemen, " I said at last, as the party ascended the steps, "I delight to have allayed your suspicions. I wish you all health, and a little more courtesy. By the way, gentlemen, this—this is a very well constructed house." (In the rabid desire to say something easily, I scarcely knew what I uttered at all.) —"I may say an excellently well constructed house. These walls—are you going, gentlemen?—these walls are solidly put together"; and here, through the mere phrenetic of bravado, I rapped heavily, with a cane which I held in my hand, upon that very portion of the brick-work behind which stood the corpse of the wife of my bosom.

But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb!—by a cry, at first muffled and broken, like the sobbing of a child, and then quickly swelling into one long, loud, and continuous scream, utterly anomalous and inhuman—a howl—a wailing shriek, half of horror and half of triumph, such as might have arisen only out of hell, conjointly from the throats of the damned in their agony and of the demons that exult in the damnation.

Of my own thoughts it is folly to speak. Swooning, I staggered to the opposite wall. For one instant the party upon the stairs remained motionless, through extremity of terror and of awe. In the next, a dozen stout arms were tolling at the wall. It fell bodily. The corpse, already greatly decayed and clotted with gore, stood erect before the eyes of the spectators. Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb!

我要讲的这个故事荒谬至极,却又极为普通,我不期待读者相信,事实上就连我自己都不相信,除非我疯了。然而,我并没有疯,而且这确实也不是做梦。不过明天我就要死了,所以今天我要让自己的灵魂得以解脱。我最急切的目的是要把这一系列平凡的家庭事件坦诚、简洁、不加任何评论地告知这个世界。因为这些事情,我备受惊吓,内心痛苦不堪——它们彻底毁了我的一切。但我并不打算作出详细的解释。对我而言,它们留下的唯有恐怖,但对大多数人而言,这些事情也许并没有奇怪之处。今后,一些有识之士也许会把我的幻觉当做平常小事——而在一些更加冷静、逻辑思维更强,且不像我这样遇事容易激动紧张的有识之士看来,这不过是一连串有着因果联系的普通事件罢了。

当我还是婴儿的时候,我就因温顺善良而出名。我的软心肠甚至一度成为同伴的笑柄。我尤其喜欢动物,宠爱我的父母给我买了各种宠物。我大部分时间都与这些小动物在一起,而喂养和爱抚它们的时候往往也是我最开心的时刻。这种特殊的癖好一直伴随着我的成长。成年后,这也成了我的主要乐趣之一。对于那些喜欢忠实而敏锐的狗的人来说,我无须多费口舌解释,他们就能理解其中的无穷乐趣。这种动物有一种无私的、甘于牺牲的爱,对于那些常常遭遇寡情薄义的人来说,这一定会触动其内心。

我结婚很早,很庆幸我的妻子与我志趣相投。她看到我喜欢的小宠物,从来都不会错过把它们抱回家的机会。我们养了小鸟、金鱼、良种狗、小兔子,还有一只小猴和一只猫。

我们养的猫非常大,也很漂亮,全身黑毛,非常聪明。我的妻子有些迷信,每当说到这只猫的聪明灵性,她总会提及些古老的传说,认为黑猫都是巫婆伪装而成的。我想,她也许只是说着好玩的,并没有当真,而这也只是我想到了就顺便写了下来。

这只猫名叫普路托。它是我最爱的宠物和玩伴。我独自喂养它,在家里,无论我走到哪儿,它都跟着我,寸步不离,就连我上街它也要跟着,我想尽一切办法都赶不走它。

我们的友情就以这种方式维持了好几年。在这其间,因为嗜酒成瘾,我的脾气和性情彻底变坏了(对此,我虽备感羞愧,但也只能承认)。我变得越来越喜怒无常,急躁不安,不再顾及他人的感受,甚至对妻子也恶语相向,最后我还对她施加暴力。当然,我养的那些宠物也都察觉出我性情的变化。我不仅常常忽视它们,还虐待它们。那些兔子、小猴,甚至那只狗,偶尔出于想与主人亲热的目的跑到我面前,我也会毫无顾忌地虐待它们。然而,对于普路托,我还是心存爱护,没有怠慢。不过,我的病情越来越重——再也没有像酗酒这么严重的疾病了——最后,就连普路托也开始成为我坏脾气的受害者,而此时的它也老了,脾气也不再像以前那样温顺了。

一天晚上,我在镇上一个常去的酒吧喝得酩酊大醉,回到家,我认为这只猫在刻意地躲着我,便一把抓住它。它被我的粗暴行为吓坏了,就在我的手上轻轻咬了一口,留下了一个牙印。我立刻怒火中烧,失去了控制,原本善良的灵魂一下子飞出了我的躯体。我酒性大发,变得凶神恶煞。我从背心的口袋里掏出一把小刀,打开刀子,抓住那只可怜的畜生的喉咙,凶残地把它的一只眼珠剜了出来!写到自己的这一可恶的罪行时,羞愧不已的我面红耳赤,全身战栗发抖。

第二天,我恢复了理智,从昨晚愤怒的情绪中清醒过来,对自己所犯下的罪行感到既恐惧又懊悔。但这至多不过是一种微弱而模糊的感觉,并未触及我的灵魂。我又开始沉迷于酗酒,很快就忘记了自己过去的所作所为。

这时,那只猫也慢慢康复了,失去眼珠的眼窝看起来真是使人心惊肉跳,但它看上去已经不痛了。它像往常一样在屋里走来走去,正如我想的那样,它一见我走近,就会恐慌地拼命逃走。最初,我的内心还残留着一点儿良心,看到曾经如此热爱我的动物现在竟然这样嫌恶我,不免感到伤心。但不久,这种伤心之情就转化为愤怒之火。再后来,邪念又起,最后终于一发不可收拾。关于这种邪念,哲学上并没有任何记载,但我深信,邪念是人的一种原始本能—— 一种无法摆脱的原始本能,或者说是情感,它决定了人类的性格。

谁不是明知不应该却一次又一次没有任何理由地做蠢事?我们的心中难道没有一种永久的邪念,我们以它们对抗自身的判断力,明知犯法却还要去以身试法?就是这种邪念,彻底断送了我的一生。正是内心这种难解的渴望,使我自寻烦恼、违背本性,仅仅为作恶而作恶,继续伤害那只无辜的动物,最终使其送了命。一天早上,冷血的我残忍地用套索套住它的脖子,并将其挂在树枝上,做完这一切后,我眼含泪水,心里无比地痛苦懊悔。我把它挂在树上是因为我知道它曾经爱过我,我认为这就给了我伤害它的理由。我知道这是在犯罪,一种让我的灵魂永远不得超生的死罪。如果有这种可能,就连慈悲为怀的上帝都无法宽恕我的罪行。

就在我犯下这桩残忍罪行的那天晚上,我在睡梦中突然被失火的喊叫声惊醒。我床上的帘子都着火了,整间房子都在烈火中。历尽艰辛,我的妻子、一个仆人和我逃出了那场大火。房子被彻底烧毁,我所有的财产都被大火吞没。从那以后,我万念俱灰。