ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it. POINS [Within] Francis! FRANCIS Anon, anon. PRINCE HENRY Anon, Francis? No, Francis; but to-morrow, Francis;or, Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But, Francis! FRANCIS My lord? PRINCE HENRY Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,-- FRANCIS O Lord, sir, who do you mean? PRINCE HENRY Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink;for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much. FRANCIS What, sir? POINS [Within] Francis! PRINCE HENRY Away, you rogue! dost thou not hear them call?
Here they both call him; the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go Enter Vintner Vintner What, standest thou still, and hearest such a calling? Look to the guests within.
Exit Francis My lord, old Sir John, with half-a-dozen more, are at the door: shall I let them in? PRINCE HENRY Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
Exit Vintner Poins!
Re-enter POINS POINS Anon, anon, sir. PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door: shall we be merry? POINS As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye; what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer? come, what's the issue? PRINCE HENRY I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight.
Re-enter FRANCIS
What's o'clock, Francis? FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir.
Exit PRINCE HENRY That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the north; he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife 'Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.' 'O my sweet Harry,' says she, 'how many hast thou killed to-day?' 'Give my roan horse a drench,' says he; and answers 'Some fourteen,' an hour after; 'a trifle, a trifle.'
Iprithee, call in Falstaff: I'll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. 'Rivo!' says the drunkard. Call in ribs, call in tallow.
Enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO; FRANCIS following with wine POINS Welcome, Jack: where hast thou been? FALSTAFF A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too!
marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy.
Ere I
lead this life long, I'll sew nether stocks and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!
Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?
He drinks PRINCE HENRY Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?
pitiful-hearted Titan, that melted at the sweet tale of the sun's! if thou didst, then behold that compound. FALSTAFF You rogue, here's lime in this sack too:
there is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man:
yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack;die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old: God help the while! a bad world, Isay.
I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or any thing. A plague of all cowards, I say still. PRINCE HENRY How now, wool-sack! what mutter you? FALSTAFF A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll never wear hair on my face more. You Prince of Wales! PRINCE HENRY Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter? FALSTAFF Are not you a coward? answer me to that:
and Poins there? POINS 'Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I'll stab thee. FALSTAFF I call thee coward! I'll see thee damned ere I call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound Icould run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back: call you that backing of your friends?
Aplague upon such backing! give me them that will face me. Give me a cup of sack: I am a rogue, if Idrunk to-day. PRINCE HENRY O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. FALSTAFF All's one for that.
He drinks A plague of all cowards, still say I. PRINCE HENRY What's the matter? FALSTAFF What's the matter! there be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning. PRINCE HENRY Where is it, Jack? where is it? FALSTAFF Where is it! taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us. PRINCE HENRY What, a hundred, man? FALSTAFF I am a rogue, if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose; my buckler cut through and through; my sword hacked like a hand-saw--ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak: if they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness. PRINCE HENRY Speak, sirs; how was it? GADSHILL We four set upon some dozen-- FALSTAFF Sixteen at least, my lord. GADSHILL And bound them. PETO No, no, they were not bound. FALSTAFF You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or Iam a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew. GADSHILL As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us-- FALSTAFF And unbound the rest, and then come in the other. PRINCE HENRY What, fought you with them all? FALSTAFF All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: