if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature. PRINCE HENRY Pray God you have not murdered some of them. FALSTAFF Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if Itell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me-- PRINCE HENRY What, four? thou saidst but two even now. FALSTAFF Four, Hal; I told thee four. POINS Ay, ay, he said four. FALSTAFF These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus. PRINCE HENRY Seven? why, there were but four even now. FALSTAFF In buckram? POINS Ay, four, in buckram suits. FALSTAFF Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. PRINCE HENRY Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. FALSTAFF Dost thou hear me, Hal? PRINCE HENRY Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. FALSTAFF Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of-- PRINCE HENRY So, two more already. FALSTAFF Their points being broken,-- POINS Down fell their hose. FALSTAFF Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid. PRINCE HENRY O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! FALSTAFF But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand. PRINCE HENRY These lies are like their father that begets them;gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,-- FALSTAFF What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth the truth? PRINCE HENRY Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this? POINS Come, your reason, Jack, your reason. FALSTAFF What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an Iwere at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. PRINCE HENRY I'll be no longer guilty of this sin;this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,-- FALSTAFF 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish!
Ofor breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck,-- PRINCE HENRY Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this. POINS Mark, Jack. PRINCE HENRY We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy and still run and roared, as ever Iheard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight!
What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? POINS Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now? FALSTAFF By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye.
Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince?
why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules:
but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow.
Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? PRINCE HENRY Content; and the argument shall be thy running away. FALSTAFF Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
Enter Hostess Hostess O Jesu, my lord the prince! PRINCE HENRY How now, my lady the hostess! what sayest thou to me? Hostess Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you: he says he comes from your father. PRINCE HENRY Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. FALSTAFF What manner of man is he? Hostess An old man. FALSTAFF What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?
Shall I give him his answer? PRINCE HENRY Prithee, do, Jack. FALSTAFF 'Faith, and I'll send him packing.
Exit FALSTAFF PRINCE HENRY Now, sirs: by'r lady, you fought fair;so did you, Peto; so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fie! BARDOLPH 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. PRINCE HENRY 'Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff's sword so hacked? PETO Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like. BARDOLPH Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it and swear it was the blood of true men.
Idid that I did not this seven year before, Iblushed to hear his monstrous devices. PRINCE HENRY O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou rannest away: