Lord Chief-Justice There is not a white hair on your face but should have his effect of gravity. FALSTAFF His effect of gravy, gravy, gravy.
Lord Chief-Justice You follow the young prince up and down, like his ill angel. FALSTAFF Not so, my lord; your ill angel is light;but I hope he that looks upon me will take me without weighing:
and yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go: Icannot tell. Virtue is of so little regard in these costermonger times that true valour is turned bear-herd: pregnancy is made a tapster, and hath his quick wit wasted in giving reckonings: all the other gifts appertinent to man, as the malice of this age shapes them, are not worth a gooseberry.
You that are old consider not the capacities of us that are young; you do measure the heat of our livers with the bitterness of your galls: and we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confess, are wags too.
Lord Chief-Justice Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth, that are written down old with all the characters of age? Have you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yellow cheek? a white beard? a decreasing leg?
an increasing belly? is not your voice broken? your wind short? your chin double? your wit single?
and every part about you blasted with antiquity?
and will you yet call yourself young? Fie, fie, fie, Sir John! FALSTAFF My lord, I was born about three of the clock in the afternoon, with a white head and something a round belly. For my voice, I have lost it with halloing and singing of anthems. To approve my youth further, I will not: the truth is, I am only old in judgment and understanding; and he that will caper with me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the money, and have at him! For the box of the ear that the prince gave you, he gave it like a rude prince, and you took it like a sensible lord. I have chequed him for it, and the young lion repents;marry, not in ashes and sackcloth, but in new silk and old sack.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, God send the prince a better companion! FALSTAFF God send the companion a better prince!
I cannot rid my hands of him.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, the king hath severed you and Prince Harry: Ihear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster against the Archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland. FALSTAFF Yea; I thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look you pray, all you that kiss my lady Peace at home, that our armies join not in a hot day; for, by the Lord, I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean not to sweat extraordinarily: if it be a hot day, and I brandish any thing but a bottle, I would Imight never spit white again. There is not a dangerous action can peep out his head but Iam thrust upon it: well, I cannot last ever: but it was alway yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common.
If ye will needs say I am an old man, you should give me rest. I would to God my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is: I were better to be eaten to death with a rust than to be scoured to nothing with perpetual motion.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, be honest, be honest;and God bless your expedition! FALSTAFF Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to furnish me forth?
Lord Chief-Justice Not a penny, not a penny;you are too impatient to bear crosses. Fare you well: commend me to my cousin Westmoreland.
Exeunt Chief-Justice and Servant FALSTAFF If I do, fillip me with a three-man beetle.
A man can no more separate age and covetousness than a'
can part young limbs and lechery: but the gout galls the one, and the pox pinches the other;and so both the degrees prevent my curses. Boy! Page Sir? FALSTAFF What money is in my purse? Page Seven groats and two pence. FALSTAFF I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable. Go bear this letter to my Lord of Lancaster; this to the prince;this to the Earl of Westmoreland; and this to old Mistress Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry since I perceived the first white hair on my chin.
About it: you know where to find me.
Exit Page A pox of this gout! or, a gout of this pox! for the one or the other plays the rogue with my great toe. 'Tis no matter if I do halt; I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use of any thing:
I will turn diseases to commodity.
Exit SCENE III. York. The Archbishop's palace. Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF YORK, the Lords HASTINGS, MOWBRAY, and BARDOLPH ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Thus have you heard our cause and known our means;And, my most noble friends, I pray you all, Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes: