He may keep his own grace, but he's almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon about the satin for my short cloak and my slops? Page He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his band and yours; he liked not the security. FALSTAFF Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security! The whoreson smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I looked a' should have sent me two and twenty yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security;for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn to light him.
Where's Bardolph? Page He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship a horse. FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I were manned, horsed, and wived.
Enter the Lord Chief-Justice and Servant Page Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince for striking him about Bardolph. FALSTAFF Wait, close; I will not see him.
Lord Chief-Justice What's he that goes there? Servant Falstaff, an't please your lordship.
Lord Chief-Justice He that was in question for the robbery? Servant He, my lord: but he hath since done good service at Shrewsbury; and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.
Lord Chief-Justice What, to York? Call him back again. Servant Sir John Falstaff! FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf. Page You must speak louder; my master is deaf.
Lord Chief-Justice I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good.
Go, pluck him by the elbow; I must speak with him. Servant Sir John! FALSTAFF What! a young knave, and begging! Is there not wars? is there not employment? doth not the king lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers?
Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it. Servant You mistake me, sir. FALSTAFF Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat, if I had said so. Servant I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and our soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honest man. FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so! I lay aside that which grows to me! if thou gettest any leave of me, hang me; if thou takest leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter: hence! avaunt! Servant Sir, my lord would speak with you.
Lord Chief-Justice Sir John Falstaff, a word with you. FALSTAFF My good lord! God give your lordship good time of day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad: Iheard say your lordship was sick: I hope your lordship goes abroad by advice. Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I must humbly beseech your lordship to have a reverent care of your health.
Lord Chief-Justice Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury. FALSTAFF An't please your lordship, I hear his majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.
Lord Chief-Justice I talk not of his majesty:
you would not come when I sent for you. FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, God mend him! I pray you, let me speak with you. FALSTAFF This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, an't please your lordship; a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whoreson tingling.
Lord Chief-Justice What tell you me of it? be it as it is. FALSTAFF It hath its original from much grief, from study and perturbation of the brain: I have read the cause of his effects in Galen: it is a kind of deafness.
Lord Chief-Justice I think you are fallen into the disease; for you hear not what I say to you. FALSTAFF Very well, my lord, very well: rather, an't please you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled withal.
Lord Chief-Justice To punish you by the heels would amend the attention of your ears; and I care not if I do become your physician. FALSTAFF I am as poor as Job, my lord, but not so patient:
your lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to me in respect of poverty; but how should I be your patient to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.
Lord Chief-Justice I sent for you, when there were matters against you for your life, to come speak with me. FALSTAFF As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the laws of this land-service, I did not come.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy. FALSTAFF He that buckles him in my belt cannot live in less.
Lord Chief-Justice Your means are very slender, and your waste is great. FALSTAFF I would it were otherwise; I would my means were greater, and my waist slenderer.
Lord Chief-Justice You have misled the youthful prince. FALSTAFF The young prince hath misled me: I am the fellow with the great belly, and he my dog.
Lord Chief-Justice Well, I am loath to gall a new-healed wound: your day's service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded over your night's exploit on Gad's-hill: you may thank the unquiet time for your quiet o'er-posting that action. FALSTAFF My lord?
Lord Chief-Justice But since all is well, keep it so: wake not a sleeping wolf. FALSTAFF To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox.
Lord Chief-Justice What! you are as a candle, the better part burnt out. FALSTAFF A wassail candle, my lord, all tallow:
if I did say of wax, my growth would approve the truth.