It is strange how the merest trifles seem to touch women! Her note in reply contains the first expression of friendly feeling toward me which has escaped her since we parted at Brussels.And this expression proceeds from her ungovernable surprise and gratitude at my taking the trouble to travel from Devonshire to London on her account!
For the rest, she proposed to call on me at the hotel the next morning.She and her mother, it appeared, differed in opinion on the subject of Mr.Romayne's behavior to her; and she wished to see me, in the first instance, unrestrained by Mrs.Eyrecourt's interference.
There was little sleep for me that night.I passed most of the time in smoking and walking up and down the room.My one relief was afforded by Traveler--he begged so hard to go to London with me, I could not resist him.The dog always sleeps in my room.His surprise at my extraordinary restlessness (ending in downright anxiety and alarm) was expressed in his eyes, and in his little whinings and cries, quite as intelligibly as if he had put his meaning into words.Who first called a dog a dumb creature? It must have been a man, I think--and a thoroughly unlovable man, too, from a dog's point of view.
Soon after ten, on the morning of the 28th, she entered my sitting-room.
In her personal appearance, I saw a change for the worse:
produced, I suppose, by the troubles that have tried her sorely, poor thing.There was a sad loss of delicacy in her features, and of purity in her complexion.Even her dress--I should certainly not have noticed it in any other woman--seemed to be loose and slovenly.In the agitation of the moment, I forgot the long estrangement between us; I half lifted my hand to take hers, and checked myself.Was I mistaken in supposing that she yielded to the same impulse, and resisted it as I did? She concealed her embarrassment, if she felt any, by patting the dog.
"I am ashamed that you should have taken the journey to London in this wintry weather--" she began.
It was impossible, in her situation, to let her assume this commonplace tone with me."I sincerely feel for you," I said, "and sincerely wish to help you, if I can."She looked at me for the first time.Did she believe me? or did she still doubt? Before I could decide, she took a letter from her pocket, opened it, and handed it to me.
"Women often exaggerate their troubles," she said."It is perhaps an unfair trial of your patience--but I should like you to satisfy yourself that I have not made the worst of my situation.
That letter will place it before you in Mr.Romayne's own words.
Read it, except where the page is turned down."It was her husband's letter of farewell.
The language was scrupulously delicate and considerate.But to my mind it entirely failed to disguise the fanatical cruelty of the man's resolution, addressed to his wife.In substance, it came to this:--"He had discovered the marriage at Brussels, which she had deliberately concealed from him when he took her for his wife.
She had afterward persisted in that concealment, under circumstances which made it impossible that he could ever trust her again." (This no doubt referred to her ill-advised reception of me, as a total stranger, at Ten Acres Lodge.) "In the miserable break-up of his domestic life, the Church to which he now belonged offered him no t only her divine consolation, but the honor, above all earthly distinctions, of serving the cause of religion in the sacred ranks of the priesthood.Before his departure for Rome he bade her a last farewell in this world, and forgave her the injuries that she had inflicted on him.For her sake he asked leave to say some few words more.In the first place, he desired to do her every justice, in a worldly sense.
Ten Acres Lodge was offered to her as a free gift for her lifetime, with a sufficient income for all her wants.In the second place, he was anxious that she should not misinterpret his motives.Whatever his opinion of her conduct might be, he did not rely on it as affording his only justification for leaving her.
Setting personal feeling aside, he felt religious scruples (connected with his marriage) which left him no other alternative than the separation on which he had resolved.He would briefly explain those scruples, and mention his authority for entertaining them, before he closed his letter."There the page was turned down, and the explanation was concealed from me.
A faint color stole over her face as I handed the letter back to her.
"It is needless for you to read the end," she said."You know, under his own hand, that he has left me; and (if such a thing pleads with you in his favor) you also know that he is liberal in providing for his deserted wife."I attempted to speak.She saw in my face how I despised him, and stopped me.
"Whatever you may think of his conduct," she continued, "I beg that you will not speak of it to me.May I ask your opinion (now you have read his letter) on another matter, in which my own conduct is concerned? In former days--"She paused, poor soul, in evident confusion and distress.
"Why speak of those days?" I ventured to say.
"I must speak of them.In former days, I think you were told that my father's will provided for my mother and for me.You know that we have enough to live on?"I had heard of it, at the time of our betrothal--when the marriage settlement was in preparation.The mother and daughter had each a little income of a few hundreds a year.The exact amount had escaped my memory.
After answering her to this effect, I waited to hear more.
She suddenly became silent; the most painful embarrassment showed itself in her face and manner."Never mind the rest," she said, mastering her confusion after an interval."I have had some hard trials to bear; I forget things--" she made an effort to finish the sentence, and gave it up, and called to the dog to come to her.The tears were in her eyes, and that was the way she took to hide them from me.