I said， “Your Royal Highness， on or about the 10th day of October， 1861， John Wilson Mackenzie of Rotterdam， Chemung County， New Jersey， deceased， contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef—”
我说：“殿下，大约在1861年10月10日，新泽西州希芒县鹿特丹区已故的约翰·威尔逊·麦肯齐和中央政府订立了一份合同，议定向谢尔曼将军供应总数为三十大桶的牛肉……”
“That will do， sir—that will do， this office has nothing to do with contracts for beef.”
“好啦，先生——好啦；本部门不管你什么牛肉合同。”
I was bowed out. I thought the matter all over and finally， the following day， I visited the Secretary of the Navy， who said， “Speak quickly， sir， do not keep me waiting.”
他把我请了出去。我把这件事通盘考虑了一下，最后，第二天，我去拜访海军部长，他说：“有话快谈吧，先生；别叫我尽等着。”
I said， “Your Royal Highness， on or about the 10th day of October， 1861， John Wilson Mackenzie of Rotterdam， Chemung County， New Jersey， deceased， contracted with the General Government to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef—”
我说：“殿下，大约在1861年10月10日，新泽西州希芒县鹿特丹区已故的约翰·威尔逊·麦肯齐和中央政府订立了一份合同，议定向谢尔曼将军供应总数为三十大桶的牛肉……”
Well， it was as far as I could get. He had nothing to do with beef contracts for General Sherman either. I began to think it was a curious kind of government. It looked somewhat as if they wanted to get out of paying for that beef. The following day I went to the Secretary of the Interior.
可不是，我只来得及说到这儿。他也不管给谢尔曼将军订立的牛肉合同。我开始心里嘀咕：瞧这政府可有些古怪呀，它有点儿像是要赖了那笔牛肉账哩。第二天，我又去见内政部长。
I said， “Your Imperial Highness， on or about the 10th day of October—”
我说：“殿下，大约在1861年10月10日……”
“That is sufficient， sir. I have heard of you before. Go， take your infamousinfamous adj.声名狼藉的 beef contract out of this establishment. The Interior Department has nothing whatever to do with subsistencesubsistence n.生存， 生活， 留存 for the army.”
“够啦，先生。我以前已经听说过您了。去吧，拿了您这份肮脏的牛肉合同离开这儿吧。内政部根本不管陆军的粮饷。”
I went away. But I was exasperatedexasperate v.激怒 now. I said I would haunt them， I would infest every department of this iniquitousiniquitous adj.不公正的 government till that contract business was settled. I would collect that bill， or fall， as fell my predecessors， trying. I assailed the PostmasterGeneral， I besiegedbesieged v.包围，围绕， 使烦恼 vbl.包围，围绕 the Agricultural Department， I waylaid the Speaker of the House of Representatives. They had nothing to do with army contracts for beef. I moved upon the commissioner of the Patent Office.
我离开了那儿。可是这一来我恼火了。我说，我要把他们纠缠得没法安身；我要搅乱这个不讲公道的政府的每一个部门，一直闹到有关合同的事获得解决为止。要不就是我收齐了这笔账款，要不就是我自己倒下，像以前的一些人办交涉的时候倒下了为止。此后我进攻邮政部长；我围困农业部；我给众议院议长打了埋伏。他们都不管给陆军订立的牛肉合同。于是我向专利局进军。
I said， “Your August Excellency， on or about—”
我说：“尊严的阁下大人，大约在……”
“Perditionperdition n.毁灭！ Have you got here with your incendiary beef contract， at last？ We have nothing to do with beef contracts for the army， my dear sir.”
“天杀的！你终于把你那份火烧不光的牛肉合同带到这儿来了吗？我们根本不管给陆军订立的牛肉合同，亲爱的先生。”
“Oh， that is all very well—but somebody has got to pay for that beef. It has got to be paid now， too， or Ill confiscateconfiscate vt.没收， 充公， 查抄， 征用 adj.被没收的 this old Patent Office and everything in it.”
“哦，这完全没关系——可是，总得有一个人出来偿付那笔牛肉账呀。再说，你们现在就得偿付，否则我就要没收了这个老专利局，包括它里面所有的东西。”
“But， my dear sir—”
“可是，亲爱的先生……”
“It dont make any difference， sir. The Patent Office is liableliable adj.有责任的， 有义务的， 易……的， 有……倾向的，负有责任的， 很有可能的 for that beef， I reckon， and， liable or not liable， the Patent Office has got to pay for it.”
“不管怎样，先生。我认为专利局必须对那批牛肉负责；再说，负责也罢，不负责也罢，专利局必须付清这笔账。”
Never mind the details. It ended in a fight. The Patent Office won. But I found out something to my advantage. I was told that the Treasury Department was the proper place for me to go to. I went there. I waited two hours and a half， and then I was admitted to the First Lord of the Treasury.
这里就不必再谈那些细节了。结果是双方动了武。专利局打了一场胜仗。但是我却发现了一件对我有利的事情。他们告诉我，财政部才是我应当去的地方。于是我去到那里。我等候了两个半小时，后来他们让我进去看第一财政大臣。
I said， “Most noble， grave， and reverendreverend adj.可尊敬的， 教士的， 对牧师或神父的尊称n.教士， 牧师 Signor， on or about the 10th day of October， 1861， John Wilson Macken—”
我说：“最高贵的、庄严的、尊敬的大人，大约在1861年10月10日，约翰·威尔逊·麦肯……”
“That is sufficient， sir. I have heard of you. Go to the First Auditor of the Treasury.”
“够啦够啦，先生。您的事我已经听说过了。您去看财政部第一审计官吧。”
I did so. He sent me to the Second Auditor. The Second Auditor sent me to the Third， and the Third sent me to the First comptroller of the CornBeef Division. This began to look like business. He examined his books and all his loose papers， but found no minute of the beef contract. I went to the Second comptroller of the CornBeef Division. He examined his books and his loose papers， but with no success. I was encouraged. During that week I got as far as the Sixth comptroller in that division， the next week I got through the Claims Department， the third week I began and completed the Mislaid Contracts Department， and got a foothold in the Dead Reckoning Department. I finished that in three days. There was only one place left for it now. I laid siegesiege n.包围， 围城， 长期努力， 不断袭击， 围攻 v.包围， 围攻 to the commissioner of Odds and Ends. To his clerk， rather—he was not there himself. There were sixteen beautiful young ladies in the room， writing in books， and there were seven wellfavored young clerks showing them how. The young women smiled up over their shoulders， and the clerks smiled back at them， and all went merry as a marriage bell. Two or three clerks that were reading the newspapers looked at me rather hard， but went on reading， and nobody said anything. However， I had been used to this kind of alacrityalacrity n.敏捷， 活泼， 爽快 from Fourth Assistant Junior Clerks all through my eventful career， from the very day I entered the first office of the CornBeef Bureau clear till I passed out of the last one in the Dead Reckoning Division. I had got so accomplished by this time that I could stand on one foot from the moment I entered an office till a clerk spoke to me， without changing more than two， or maybe three， times.