书城外语天使吻过那片海
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第33章 与美丽邂逅 (15)

I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervish in the desert. The farmer can work alone in the field or the woods all day, hoeing or chopping, and not feel lonesome, because he is employed; but when he comes home at night he cannot sit down in a room alone, at the mercy of his thoughts, but must be where he can “see the folks,” and recreate, and, as he thinks, remunerate himself for his day' s solitude; and hence he wonders how the student can sit alone in the house all night and most of the day without ennui and “the blues”; but he does not realize that the student, though in the house, is still at work in his field, and chopping in his woods, as the farmer in his, and in turn seeks the same recreation and society that the latter does, though it may be a more condensed form of it.

Society is commonly too cheap. We meet at very short intervals, not having had time to acquire any new value for each other. We meet at meals three times a day, and give each other a new taste of that old musty cheese that we are. We have had to agree on a certain set of rules, called etiquette and politeness, to make this frequent meeting tolerable and that we need not come to open war. We meet at the post-office, and at the sociable, and about the fireside every night; we live thick and are in each other' s way, and stumble over one another, and I think that we thus lose some respect for one another. Certainly less frequency would suffice for all important and hearty communications. Consider the girls in a factory—never alone, hardly in their dreams. It would be better if there were but one inhabitant to a square mile, as where I live. The value of a man is not in his skin, that we should touch him.

...

I have a great deal of company in my house;especially in the morning, when nobody calls. Let me suggest a few comparisons, that some one may convey an idea of my situation. I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray. And yet it has not the blue devils, but the blue angels in it, in the azure tint of its waters. The sun is alone, except in thick weather, when there sometimes appear to be two, but one is a mock sun. God is alone—but the devil, he is far from being alone; he sees a great deal of company; he is legion. I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Mill Brook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house.

这是一个愉快的夜晚,周身就只有一种感觉,全身的毛孔都浸透着喜悦。我以一种奇异的姿态穿行于大自然之间,成为她的一部分。我身着衬衫,漫步于铺满石头的湖滨,虽然天气有些寒冷,云多风也大,而且我也没看到什么吸引我的东西,没有什么很让我挂心的事情,但这样的天气对于我却是很适宜的。牛蛙用呜呜的低鸣声迎来了黑夜,晚风让湖面荡起涟漪,湖面上也传来了夜鹰的音乐。赤杨和白杨迎风摇曳,激起我的激情,使我无法呼吸,然而像湖面一样,我的宁静也是水波不兴,如镜面般平静的湖水,不会掀起惊涛骇浪。天虽然已经黑了,可是风还在森林里吹拂咆哮,浪涛依旧拍打着湖岸,一些动物还在奏乐,催使其他动物入眠,这里没有绝对的宁静。最凶猛的动物还没有安静下来,正在寻觅它们的猎物;狐狸、臭鼬、兔子,也还在原野上漫游,在这大森林里,它们一点都不感到恐惧,它们是大自然的守护者——是连接着一个个生机勃勃的白天的链环。

当我回到家里的时候,发现有客人来访过,他们还留下了名片,要么是一束花,要么是一个常青树的花环,要么是在黄色的胡桃叶或木片上用铅笔写下的名字。那些不经常到森林的人喜欢一路上拿些小玩意儿在手上玩,有时是故意地,有时是偶然地就把它们留下了。有一位客人剥下了柳树皮,做了一个环圈,放在我的桌子上。我总是可以知道在我出门的时候有没有客人来过,不是树枝或青草弯倒了,就是一些脚印被留下了。一般情况下,我还能从他们留下的微妙痕迹里猜测出他们的年龄、性别和性格;有的丢下了花朵,有的抓来一把草又把它扔掉,甚至还有些一直带到半英里外的铁路上才扔掉;也有的时候,这里还残留着雪茄烟和烟斗的味道。我经常从烟斗的味道里注意到60杆之外的公路上正在行走的旅行者。

应该说我们周围的空间是很大的。我们不可能一伸手就触摸到地平线。郁郁葱葱的森林或湖泊也并不是就在我的门口,在这中间还有一块我们熟悉而且使用着的空地,我们多多少少整理了一些,还围了篱笆。我们仿佛是从大自然手中把它索取来的。我有什么理由要占领这么大的范围和规模,为什么这不见人烟、遭受人类遗弃、有着这么大面积的森林会归我所有呢?离我最近的邻居在一英里外,见不到什么房子,除非登上半里以外的小山顶举目远眺,才能看见一点房屋。我的地平线被森林包围起来,供我独自享用,望得最远的地方,也只是湖的一端铺设的铁路和湖的另一端沿着山林的公路上围建的篱笆。

从大体上看,我居住在这个地方,和生活在大草原上一样寂寞。这里离新英格兰像离亚洲和非洲一样远。可以说,我拥有自己的太阳、月亮和星星,这是一个完全属于自己的小世界。晚上的时候,从来没有人经过我的屋子,或者是敲我的门,我仿佛成了人类的第一个人或是最后一个人。除非是在春天,隔了很长时间,才会有人来钓鱼,而在瓦尔登湖,很显然他们只能钓到自己的本性,而鱼钩也只能钩起黑夜——于是他们很快就走了,常常是带着轻飘飘的鱼篓离开的,把“世界留给黑夜和我”,而黑夜的核心从来没有被人类任何一个邻舍亵渎过。我确信,通常人们还是有些害怕黑暗的,虽然妖魔都被绞死了,基督教和蜡烛的火焰也被引进来了。

然而有时我会有这样的经历,在任何一样大自然的事物中,你总能找到最甜蜜、最柔和、最纯真、最让人精神振奋的伴侣,就是对那些愤世嫉俗和忧心忡忡的人也是一样。生活在大自然中,只要感官还在发挥作用,就不可能有太深重的忧郁……当我享受着四季的友爱时,不管什么都不会让生命成为我沉重的负担。

……

常有人对我说:“我想你住在那里一定很寂寞,总想着和其他的人接触一下吧,尤其是在下雨下雪的日子和夜晚。”这个问题诱使我想做这样一番解释——我们居住的整个地球,在宇宙中也不过是一个小点罢了。而别的星球,我们用天文仪器还不能测其大小,你想象一下它上面两个相隔最远的居民间的距离又是多远呢?我怎么会感到寂寞呢?我们的地球不是在银河之中吗?在我看来,你提出的是一个最无关紧要的问题。人和人群要被怎样的空间分开才会感到寂寞呢?我已经找到了,人腿再努力也只能让人们走在一起,却无法使他们的心彼此靠近。

……

大部分的时间里,我都觉得独处有益于身心。与人交往,哪怕是最好的朋友,不久也会让人心生厌烦,精疲力竭。我喜欢独处。我没有遇见过比孤独更好的伙伴。当我们到国外,置身于人群当中时,也许会比一个人待在室内更感到寂寞。一个人正在思想或正在工作时总是孤独的,随便他身处何处。不能以一个人离开他的同伴有几英里远来计算他是不是孤独。在拥挤的剑桥学院里苦读的学生,只会感觉孤独得像沙漠上的一个伊斯兰教托钵僧一样。农夫可以一整天独自待在田地里,或者在森林中工作、耕地或者伐木,却不觉得寂寞,因为他有活儿干,可是当晚上回到家里,他却不能独自坐在房间里思考问题,而必须到能“看见人群”的地方消遣一下,按他的理解,这样做是为了补偿他一天的寂寞,因此他觉得很奇怪,为什么学生们可以一天到晚地待在教室里而不觉得无聊和“郁闷”,但是他没有意识到,学生坐在教室里学习,就像他在森林中采伐,像农夫在田地里或是在森林里劳作一样,过后学生也会去消遣,也需要进行社交,尽管那种形式可能更简单一些。