“I misdoubtmisdoubt vt.怀疑， 不信任， 担心 n.怀疑， 疑虑，” says I， “if any woman ever helped a man to secure a job any more than to have his meals ready promptly and spread a report that the other candidates wife had once been a shopliftershoplifter n.商店扒手. They are no more adapted for business and politics，” says I， “than Algernon Charles Swinburne is to be floor manager at one of Chuck Connors annual balls. I know，” says I to Andy， “that sometimes a woman seems to step out into the kalsomine light as the charged affaires of her mans political job. But how does it come out？ Say， they have a neat little berth somewhere as foreign consul of record to Afghanistan or lockkeeperlockkeeper n.水闸看守人 on the Delaware and Raritan Canal. One day this man finds his wife putting on her overshoes and three months supply of bird seed into the canarys cage. “Sioux Falls？” he asks with a kind of hopeful light in his eye. “No， Arthur，” says she， “Washington. Were wasted here.” says she， “You ought to be Toady Extraordinary to the Court of St. Bridget or Head Porter of the Island of Porto Rico. Im going to see about it.”
“我怀疑，”我说，“女人除了替男人赶快把饭准备好，或者散布流言蜚语，说另一个竞争对手的妻子做过扒手之外，还能在什么地方帮助男人找到工作？她们是不适合生意和政治的，正如阿尔杰农·查尔斯·史文朋在查克·康纳斯每年一次的舞会上不适于担任司仪一样。我也知道，”我对安迪说，“有时候，女人仿佛是在以她男人的政治事务代办的身份出现。可是结果如何呢？举个例子说，一个男人原本有一个很好的职业，在阿富汗驻外领事馆工作，或者在特拉华拉里坦运河当看门人。有一天，这个男人看见他太太穿上套鞋，把三个月的鸟食放在芙蓉鸟笼里。“到苏福尔斯去吗？”他带着期望的神情问道。“不，亚瑟。”她说，“到华盛顿去。我们在这里被埋没了。”她说，“你应当在圣布里奇特宫廷里做特派跟班，或者在波多黎各岛上当总门房。这件事让我来安排。”
“Then this lady，” I says to Andy， “moves against the authorities at Washington with her baggagebaggage n.行李， ［军］辎重 and munitionsmunitions n.军需品(munition之复数)， consisting of five dozen indiscriminatingindiscriminating adj.不区别的， 无差别的 letters written to her by a member of the Cabinet when she was 15； a letter of introduction from King Leopold to the Smithsonian Institution， and a pink silk costume with canarycanary n.［动］金丝雀， 淡黄色 colored spats.”
“于是这位太太，”我对安迪说，“就带着她的行李和本钱到华盛顿去对付当权人物了。她的行李和本钱包括一位内阁成员在她十五岁时写给她的五打乱七八糟的信；利奥波德国王写给斯密森学院的一封介绍信，一套桃色的丝绸衣服和黄色的鞋罩。”
“Well and then what？” I goes. “She has the letters printed in the evening papers that match her costume， she lectures at an informal tea given in the palm room of the B. & O. Depot and then calls on the President. The ninth Assistant Secretary of Commerce and Labor， the first aidedecamp of the Blue Room and an unidentifiedunidentified adj.未经确认的 colored man are waiting there to grasp her by the hands and feet. They carry her out to S.W.B. street and leave her on a cellar door. That ends it. The next time we hear of her she is writing postcardspostcard n.明信片， 风景明信片 to the Chinese Minister asking him to get Arthur a job in a tea store.”
“那，之后怎么样呢？”我继续说。“她把那些信件在同她衣服和鞋罩颜色相仿的晚报上发表了，接着在巴尔的摩俄亥俄铁路车站的餐室里发表了谈话，然后去找总统。商业劳工部的九等助理秘书和蓝室的第一副官以及一个身份不明的有色人等在那里，抓住她的手和脚。他们把她带到西南皮街，扔在一个地下室的门口。结果就是这样。我们下次再听到有关她的消息时，只知道她在写明信片给中国大使，请求大使替亚瑟在茶叶店里安排一个职位。”
“Then，” says Andy， “you dont think Mrs. Avery will land the Marshalship for Bill？”
“那么说来，”安迪说，“你以为艾弗里太太不会替比尔弄到那个职位吗？”
“I do not，” says I. “I do not wish to be a sceptic， but I doubt if she can do as well as you and me could have done.”
“我以为是这样。”我说。“我不希望自己做一个怀疑论者，不过我认为你我做不到的事，她也不一定做得到。”
“I dont agree with you，” says Andy. “Ill bet you she does. Im proud of having a higher opinion of the talent and the powers of negotiationnegotiation n.商议， 谈判， 流通 of ladies.”
“我不同意你的说法。”安迪说。“我可以跟你打赌，她一定做得到。我对女人谈判的才能比你估价得要高，这一点我很引以为自豪。”
We was back at Mrs. Averys hotel at the time she appointed. She was looking pretty and fine enough， as far as that went， to make any man let her name every officer in the country. But I hadnt much faith in looks， so I was certainly surprised when she pulls out a document with the great seal of the United States on it， and “William Henry Humble” in a fine， big hand on the back.
我们在约定的时间又到了艾弗里太太的旅馆。她的外表还是那么妍丽美好，以她的漂亮而论，任何人都愿意答应由她来指派国内的任何官职。但是我对外貌的信心一向不大，因此，当她拿出一张委任状时，我确实非常诧异。那张委任状盖有美国政府的大公章，背后写着“威廉·亨利·亨伯尔”几个花哨的大字。
“You might have had it the next day， boys，” says Mrs. Avery， smiling. “I hadnt the slightest trouble in getting it，” says she. “I just asked for it， thats all. Now， Id like to talk to you a while，” she goes on， “but Im awfully busy， and I know youll excuse me. Ive got an Ambassadorship， two Consulates and a dozen other minor applications to look after. I can hardly find time to sleep at all. Youll give my complimentscompliment n.称赞， 恭维， 致意， 问候， 道贺 vt.称赞， 褒扬， 恭维 to Mr. Humble when you get home， of course.”
“其实你们第二天就可以拿去了，伙计们。”艾弗里太太微笑着说。“我一点不费事就弄到了。”她说，“我只不过开一下口罢了。嗯，我很愿意同你们多聊一会儿，”她接着说，“但是我忙得很，我知道你们一定会原谅我的。我还得处理一个大使、两个领事和十来个别的小官职的申请问题。我简直连睡觉的时间都挤不出来了。你们回家以后，请代我向亨伯尔先生致意。”
Well， I handed her the 500， which she pitched into her desk drawer without counting. I put Bills appointment in my pocket and me and Andy made our adieusadieu int.n.再见， 再会.
我把五百块钱给了她，她数都不数，就往写字桌的抽屉里一扔。我把比尔的委任状揣在口袋里，和安迪便告辞了。
“We started back for the Territory the same day. We wired Bill： “Job landed； get the tall glasses ready.” and we felt pretty good.
“当天我们动身回准州地区。我们先给比尔发了个电报：“事成，备酒庆祝。”我们情绪高昂。
Andy joshed me all the way about how little I knew about women.
一路上，安迪老是揶揄我，说我太不了解女人了。
“All right，” says I， “Ill admit that she surprised me. But its the first time I ever knew one of ”em to manipulatemanipulate vt.(熟练地)操作， 使用(机器等)， 操纵(人或市价、市场)， 利用， 应付， 假造 vt.(熟练地)操作，巧妙地处理 a piece of business on time without getting it bungled up in some way， says I.
“好吧。”我说，“我承认她确实出乎我意外。不过据我的经验，女人及时办完一件事而不出任何差错，这还是第一次呢。”我说。
Down about the edge of Arkansas I got out Bills appointment and looked it over， and then I handed it to Andy to read. Andy read it， but didnt add any remarks to my silence.
到了阿肯色州边界时，我掏出比尔的委任状，仔细看看，然后交给安迪。安迪看过之后，也同我一样，哑口无言。
The paper was for Bill， all right， and a genuine document， but it appointed him postmasterpostmaster n.邮局女局长 of Dade City， Fla.
这份文件确实是给比尔的，并且不是假货，不过它委任比尔的职位是佛罗里达州达德镇的邮政局长。
Me and Andy got off the train at Little Rock and sent Bills appointment to him by mail. Then we struck northeast toward Lake Superior.
我和安迪赶快在小石城下车，把委任状邮寄给比尔。然后我们就向东北方向的苏必利尔湖去了。
I never saw Bill Humble after that.
打那之后，我再也没有同比尔·亨伯尔见过面。