黄缘奇遇
“Many of our great men，” said I (apropos of many things)， “have declared that they owe their success to the aid and encouragementencouragement n.鼓励， 奖励 of some brilliant woman.”
“有许多大人物，”我泛泛而指地说，“声称他们的成就应该归功于某些杰出的女人的帮助与鼓励。”
“I know，” said Jeff Peters， “Ive read in history and mythologymythology n.神话 about Joan of Arc and Mme. Yale and Mrs. Caudle and Eve and other noted females of the past. But， in my opinion， the woman of today is of little use in politics or business. Whats she best in， anyway？—Men make the best cooks， millinersmilliner n.女帽制造及贩卖商， nurses， housekeepershousekeeper n.主妇， 女管家， stenographersstenographer n.速记员， clerks， hairdressers and launderers. About the only job left that a woman can beat a man in is female impersonatorimpersonator n.演员， 模拟(名人等的)艺人 in vaudevillevaudeville n.歌舞杂耍.”
“这一点我也知道。”杰夫·彼得斯说，“我在历史和神话书上看到过有关圣女贞德、耶鲁夫人、考德尔太太、夏娃和古代别的女强人的事迹。可是，依我看来，如今的女人无论在政治界或者在商业界都不顶用。说起来，女人有什么特别高明的地方呢？——第一流的厨师、时装设计师、护士、管家、速记员、秘书、理发师和洗衣匠都是男的。女人能胜过男人的工作恐怕只有一件，那就是歌舞剧里的女角。”
“I would have thought，” said I， “that occasionally， anyhow， you would have found the wit and intuitionintuition n.直觉， 直觉的知识 of woman valuable to you in your lines of—er—business.”
“我却认为，”我说，“有时候，你会发现女人的机灵和直觉对你的——呢，事业是有帮助的。”
“Now， wouldnt you，” said Jeff， with an emphaticemphatic adj.语势强的， 用力的， 显著的， 断然的 nod，“wouldnt you have imagined that？ But a woman is an absolutely unreliable partner in any straight swindleswindle v.诈骗 n.诈骗. Shes liable to turn honest on you when you are depending upon her the most. I tried em once.
“你不认为吗？”杰夫郑重其事地点点头说，“你是这样想的吗？不过在任何利落的骗局里，女人绝对是靠不住的搭档。在你最需要她们帮助的时候，她们却诚实起来，拆你的台。我曾经领教过。
Bill Humble， an old friend of mine in the Territories， conceived the illusion that he wanted to be appointed United States Marshall. At that time Anda and I was doing a square， legitimatelegitimate adj.合法的， 合理的， 正统的 v.合法 business of selling walking canes. If you unscrewed the head of one and turned it up to your mouth a half pint of good rye whiskey would go trickling down your throat to reward you for your act of intelligence. The deputies was annoying me and Andy some， and when Bill spoke to me about his officious aspirationsaspiration n.热望， 渴望， I saw how the appointment as Marshall might help along the firm of Peters & Tucker.
比尔·亨伯尔，我在准州地区的一个老朋友，有一次异想天开，想当联邦法院的执法官。当时，我和安迪正在做一种规矩合法的生意——兜售手杖。你只要把那种手杖的柄拧开，凑在嘴边一倒，就有半品脱上好的黑麦威士忌流到你的喉咙里，回报你的聪明才智。警官们时常找我和安迪的麻烦。当比尔把他这种勇于挑重担的志愿告诉我时，我认识到执法官的职位对彼得斯塔克公司的业务是有帮助的。
“Jeff，” says Bill to me， “you are a man of learning and education， besides having knowledge and information concerning not only rudimentsrudiments n 初步；入门 but facts and attainmentsattainments n.成就， 造诣.”
“杰夫，”比尔对我说，“你是有知识和信息、有教养的人，而且你的学问不限于一些基本知识，你还有经验，有见解。”
“I do，” says I， “and I have never regretted it. I am not one，” says I， “who would cheapen education by making it free. Tell me，” says I， “which is of the most value to mankind， literature or horse racking？”
“一点不错，”我说，“我从来没有因此而后悔过。我不是那种主张免费教育而贬低教育的人。你说说，究竟是什么对人类更有价值，文学呢还是赛马？”
“Why—er—， playing the po—I mean， of course， the poets and the great writers have got the call， of course.” says Bill.
“哎——呃——，最受欢迎的当然是赛——当然啦，我说的是诗人和伟大作家。”比尔说。
“Exactly，” says I. “Then why do the master minds of finance and philanthropyphilanthropy n.慈善事业，” says I， “charge us 2 to get into a racetrack and let us into a library free？ Is that distilling into the masses，” says I， “a correct estimate of the relative value of the two means of selfculture and disorder？”
“对啦。”我说：“既然如此，那些伟大的金融家和慈善家为什么在赛马场要收两块钱的入场券，在图书馆却又让我们免费呢？”我说，“那种做法岂不是要向群众灌输一种思想，让他们对这两种自修和不合手续的方法的相对价值作出正确的估计吗？”
“You are arguing outside of my faculties of sense and rhetoricrhetoric adj.花言巧语的，善争辩的，” says Bill， “What I wanted you to do is to go to Washington and dig out this appointment for me. I havent no ideas of cultivationcultivation n.培养， 教养， 耕作， 中耕 and intrigueintrigue n.阴谋， 诡计 vi.密谋， 私通 vt.激起……的兴趣，用诡计取得. Im a plain citizen and I need the job. Ive killed seven men，” says Bill；“Ive got nine children， Ive been a good Republican ever since the first of May； I cant read nor write， and I see no reason why I aint illegible for the office. And I think your partner， Mr. Tucker，” goes on Bill， “is also a man of sufficient ingratiation and connected system of mental delinquencydelinquency n.行为不良， 错失 to assist you in securing the appointment. I will give you preliminary，” says Bill， “1，000 for drinks， bribes and carfare in Washington. If you land the job I will pay you 1，000 more， cash down， and guarantee you impunity in bootlegging whiskey for twelve months. Are you patriotic to the West enough to help me put this thing through the Whitewashed Wigwam of the Great Father of the most eastern flag station of the Pennsylvania Railroad？ ”says Bill.
“你的论点已经超出我的理解和争辩的能力了，”比尔说，“我要你做的事只是到华盛顿去一次，替我钻营这个职位。我在修养和阴谋策划方面没有什么突出的地方。我只不过是个普通公民，并且我需要这份工作。我杀过七个人，”比尔说，“我有九个小孩；从今年五月一日以来，我就是一个好共和党员；我不识字，也不会写；可是我看不出我担任执法官有什么不合适。我觉得你的搭档塔克先生，”比尔接着说，“也是一个讨人喜欢，头脑精明的人，他一定能帮你弄到这个差使的。我先付你一千元，”比尔说，“供你在华盛顿喝酒、行贿和乘车的花费。如果你弄到了那个差使，我再付你一千元现钞，并且保证在十二个月内不干涉你贩卖私酒。你对西部是不是有足够的忠诚，帮我在宾夕法尼亚铁路东端终点站老爸爸的白房子里疏通疏通？”比尔说道。
Well， I talked to Andy about it， and he liked the idea immense. Andy was a man of an involved nature. He was never content to plod along， as I was， selling to the peasantrypeasantry n.农民， 小农阶级 some little tool like a combination steak beater， shoe horn， marcel waver， monkey wrench， nail file， potato masher and Multum in Parvo tuning fork. Andy had the artistic temper， which is not to be judged as a preachers or a moral mans is by purely commercial deflectionsdeflection n.偏斜， 偏转， 偏差. So we accepted Bills offer， and strikes out for Washington.
我同安迪商量了一下，他对这件事极感兴趣。安迪的个性很复杂。他不像我，永远不满足于辛辛苦苦地干活，向乡下人推销那种既能捣肉排，又能当鞋擦、烫发器、扳头、指甲锉、土豆捣碎器和音叉的小而全的万能工具。安迪有艺术家的气质，不能把他当作牧师或是道学家那样的人，纯粹从商业的角度来衡量。于是，我们接受了比尔的委托，动身前去华盛顿。