engage their hearts,if you can;at least prevent the pretense of offense but take care to show enough of the 'fortiter in re'to extort from their love of ease,or their fear,what you might in vain hope for from their justice or good-nature.People in high life are hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind,as surgeons are to their bodily pains;they see and hear of them all day long,and even of so many simulated ones,that they do not know which are real,and which not.Other sentiments are therefore to be applied to,than those of mere justice and humanity;their favor must be captivated by the 'suaviter in modo';their love of ease disturbed by unwearied importunity,or their fears wrought upon by a decent intimation of implacable,cool resentment;this is the true 'fortiter in re'.This precept is the only way I know in the world of being loved without being despised,and feared without being hated.It constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavor to establish.
Now to apply what has been said,and so conclude.
If you find that you have a hastiness in your temper,which unguardedly breaks out into indiscreet sallies,or rough expressions,to either your superiors,your equals,or your inferiors,watch it narrowly,check it carefully,and call the 'suaviter in modo'to your assistance:at the first impulse of passion,be silent till you can be soft.Labor even to get the command of your countenance so well,that those emotions may not be read in it;a most unspeakable advantage in business!On the other hand,let no complaisance,no gentleness of temper,no weak desire of pleasing on your part,--no wheedling,coaxing,nor flattery,on other people's,--make you recede one jot from any point that reason and prudence have bid you pursue;but return to the charge,persist,persevere,and you will find most things attainable that are possible.
A yielding,timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and the unfeeling,;but when sustained by the 'fortiter in re',is always respected,commonly successful.In your friendships and connections,as well as in your enmities,this rule is particularly useful;let your firmness and vigor preserve and invite attachments to you;but,at the same time,let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and dependents from becoming yours;let your enemies be disarmed by the gentleness of your manner,but let them feel,at the same time,the steadiness of your just resentment;for there is a great difference between bearing malice,which is always ungenerous,and a resolute self-defense,which is always prudent and justifiable.In negotiations with foreign ministers,remember the 'fortiter in re';give up no point,accept of no expedient,till the utmost necessity reduces you to it,and even then,dispute the ground inch by inch;but then,while you are contending with the minister 'fortiter in re',remember to gain the man by the 'suaviter in modo'.If you engage his heart,you have a fair chance for imposing upon his understanding,and determining his will.
Tell him,in a frank,gallant manner,that your ministerial wrangles do not lessen your personal regard for his merit;but that,on the contrary,his zeal and ability in the service of his master,increase it;and that,of all things,you desire to make a good friend of so good a servant.
By these means you may,and will very often be a gainer:you never can be a loser.Some people cannot gain upon themselves to be easy and civil to those who are either their rivals,competitors,or opposers,though,independently of those accidental circumstances,they would like and esteem them.They betray a shyness and an awkwardness in company with them,and catch at any little thing to expose them;and so,from temporary and only occasional opponents,make them their personal enemies.This is exceedingly weak and detrimental,as indeed is all humor in business;which can only be carried on successfully by,unadulterated good policy and right reasoning.In such situations Iwould be more particularly and 'noblement',civil,easy,and frank with the man whose designs I traversed:this is commonly called generosity and magnanimity,but is,in truth,good sense and policy.The manner is often as important as the matter,sometimes more so;a favor may make an enemy,and an injury may make a friend,according to the different manner in which they are severally done.The countenance,the address,the words,the enunciation,the Graces,add great efficacy to the 'suaviter in modo',and great dignity to the 'fortiter in re',and consequently they deserve the utmost attention.
From what has been said,I conclude with this observation,that gentleness of manners,with firmness of mind,is a short,but full description of human perfection on this side of religious and moral duties.That you may be seriously convinced of this truth,and show it in your life and conversation,is the most sincere and ardent wish of,Yours.