LONDON,January 11,O.S.1750
MY DEAR FRIEND:Yesterday I received a letter from Mr.Harte,of the 31st December,N.S.,which I will answer soon;and for which I desire you to return him my thanks now.He tells me two things that give me great satisfaction:one is that there are very few English at Rome;the other is,that you frequent the best foreign companies.This last is a very good symptom;for a man of sense is never desirous to frequent those companies,where he is not desirous to please,or where he finds that he displeases;it will not be expected in those companies,that,at your age,you should have the 'Garbo',the 'Disinvoltura',and the 'Leggiadria'of a man of five-and-twenty,who has been long used to keep the best companies;and therefore do not be discouraged,and think yourself either slighted or laughed at,because you see others,older and more used to the world,easier,more familiar,and consequently rather better received in those companies than yourself.In time your turn will come;and if you do but show an inclination,a desire to please,though you should be embarrassed or even err in the means,which must necessarily happen to you at first,yet the will (to use a vulgar expression)will be taken for the deed;and people,instead of laughing at you,will be glad to instruct you.Good sense can only give you the great outlines of good-breeding;but observation and usage can alone give you the delicate touches,and the fine coloring.You will naturally endeavor to show the utmost respect to people of certain ranks and characters,and consequently you will show it;but the proper,the delicate manner of showing that respect,nothing but observation and time can give.
I remember that when,with all the awkwardness and rust of Cambridge about me,I was first introduced into good company,I was frightened out of my wits.I was determined to be,what I thought,civil;I made fine low bows,and placed myself below everybody;but when I was spoken to,or attempted to speak myself,'obstupui,steteruntque comae,et vox faucibus haesit'.If I saw people whisper,I was sure it was at me;and I thought myself the sole object of either the ridicule or the censure of the whole company,who,God knows,did not trouble their heads about me.
In this way I suffered,for some time,like a criminal at the bar;and should certainly have renounced all polite company forever,if I had not been so convinced of the absolute necessity of forming my manners upon those of the best companies,that I determined to persevere and suffer anything,or everything,rather than not compass that point.Insensibly it grew easier to me;and I began not to bow so ridiculously low,and to answer questions without great hesitation or stammering:if,now and then,some charitable people,seeing my embarrassment,and being 'desoevre'themselves,came and spoke to me,I considered them as angels sent to comfort me,and that gave me a little courage.I got more soon afterward,and was intrepid enough to go up to a fine woman,and tell her that I thought it a warm day;she answered me,very civilly,that she thought so too;upon which the conversation ceased,on my part,for some time,till she,good-naturedly resuming it,spoke to me thus:"I see your embarrassment,and I am sure that the few words you said to me cost you a great deal;but do not be discouraged for that reason,and avoid good company.We see that you desire to please,and that is the main point;you want only the manner,and you think that you want it still more than you do.You must go through your noviciate before you can profess good-breeding:and,if you will be my novice,I will present you my acquaintance as such."You will easily imagine how much this speech pleased me,and how awkwardly I answered it;I hemmed once or twice (for it gave me a bur in my throat)before I could tell her that I was very much obliged to her;that it was true,that I had a great deal of reason to distrust my own behavior,not being used to fine company;and that I should be proud of being her novice,and receiving her instructions.
As soon as I had fumbled out this answer,she called up three or four people to her,and said:Savez-vous (for she was a foreigner,and I was abroad)que j'ai entrepris ce jeune homme,et qu'il le faut rassurer?