His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys. Theywere at Yale， and they were so busy with their own affairs thatthey neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever totheir mother’s frantic letters. Then Carnegie offered to wagera hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail，without even asking for it. Someone called his bet; so he wrote hisnephews a chatty letter， mentioning casually in a post-script thathe was sending each one a five-dollar bill.
He neglected， however， to enclose the money.
Back came replies by return mail thanking “Dear UncleAndrew” for his kind note and—you can finish the sentenceyourself.
Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak ofCleveland， Ohio， a participant in our course. Stan came homefrom work one evening to find his youngest son， Tim， kicking andscreaming on the living room floor. He was to start kindergartenthe next day and was protesting that he would not go. Stan’snormal reaction would have been to banish the child to his roomand tell him he’d just better make up his mind to go. He had nochoice. But tonight， recognizing that this would not really helpTim start kindergarten in the best frame of mind， Stan sat down and thought， “If I were Tim， why would I be excited about goingto kindergarten?” He and his wife made a list of all the fun thingsTim would do such as finger painting， singing songs， making newfriends. Then they put them into action. “We all started fingerpainting on the kitchen table—my wife， Lil， my other son Bob，and myself， all having fun. Soon Tim was peeping around thecorner. Next he was begging to participate. ‘Oh， no！ You have togo to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint.’ With all theenthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in termshe could understand—telling him all the fun he would have inkindergarten. The next morning， I thought I was the first one up. Iwent downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the livingroom chair. ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked. ‘ I’m waiting togo to kindergarten. I don’t want to be late.’ The enthusiasm of ourentire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount ofdiscussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.”
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to dosomething. Before you speak， pause and ask yourself： “How can Imake this person want to do it?”
That question will stop us from rushing into a situationheedlessly， with futile chatter about our desires.
At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New Yorkhotel for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series oflectures.
At the beginning of one season， I was suddenly informed thatI should have to pay almost three times as much rent as formerly.
This news reached me after the tickets had been printed anddistributed and all announcements had been made.
Naturally， I didn’t want to pay the increase， but what wasthe use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted? They were interested only in what they wanted. So a couple of days later Iwent to see the manager.
“I was a bit shocked when I got your letter，” I said， “but I don’tblame you at all. If I had been in your position， I should probablyhave written a similar letter myself. Your duty as the manager ofthe hotel is to make all the profit possible. If you don’t do that，you will be fired and you ought to be fired. Now， let’s take a pieceof paper and write down the advantages and the disadvantagesthat will accrue to you， if you insist on this increase in rent.”
Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the centerand headed one column “Advantages” and the other column“Disadvantages.” I wrote down under the head “Advantages”these words： “Ballroom free.” Then I went on to say： “You willhave the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dancesand conventions. That is a big advantage， for affairs like that willpay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures. If I tieyour ballroom up for twenty nights during the course of the season，it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you.
“Now， let’s consider the disadvantages. First， instead ofincreasing your income from me， you are going to decrease it. Infact， you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rentyou are asking. I shall be forced to hold these lectures at someother place. “There’s another disadvantage to you also. Theselectures attract crowds of educated and cultured people to yourhotel. That is good advertising for you， isn’t it? In fact， if youspent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers， youcouldn’t bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bringby these lectures. That is worth a lot to a hotel， isn’t it?”
As I talked， I wrote these two “disadvantages” under theproper heading， and handed the sheet of paper to the manager，saying： “I wish you would carefully consider both the advantagesand disadvantages that are going to accrue to you and then giveme your final decision.”
I received a letter the next day， informing me that my rentwould be increased only 50 percent instead of 300 percent.
Mind you， I got this reduction without saying a word aboutwhat I wanted. I talked all the time about what the other personwanted and how he could get it.
Suppose I had done the human， natural thing; suppose I hadstormed into his office and said， “What do you mean by raisingmy rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets havebeen printed and the announcements made? Three hundredpercent！ Ridiculous！ Absurd！ I won’t pay it！”
What would have happened then? An argument would havebegun to steam and boil and sputter—and you know how argumentsend. Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong， his pridewould have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.