How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 10
You Can’t Win an Argument
Shortly after the close of World War I， I learned an invaluablelesson one night in London. I was manager at the time for SirRoss Smith. During the war， Sir Ross had been the Australianace out in Palestine; and shortly after peace was declared，he astonished the world by flying halfway around it in thirtydays. No such feat had ever been attempted before. It created atremendous sensation. The Australian government awarded himfifty thousand dollars; the King of England knighted him; and，for a while， he was the most talked-about man under the UnionJack. I was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross’shonor; and during the dinner， the man sitting next to me told ahumorous story which hinged on the quotation “There’s a divinitythat shapes our ends， rough-hew them how we will.”
The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from theBible. He was wrong. I knew that， I knew it positively. Therecouldn’t be the slightest doubt about it. And so， to get a feeling ofimportance and display my superiority， I appointed myself as anunsolicited and unwelcome committee of one to correct him. Hestuck to his guns. What? From Shakespeare? Impossible！ Absurd！
That quotation was from the Bible. And he knew it.
The storyteller was sitting on my right; and Frank Gammond，an old friend of mine， was seated at my left. Mr. Gammond haddevoted years to the study of Shakespeare， So the storyteller andI agreed to submit the question to Mr. Gammond. Mr. Gammondlistened， kicked me under the table， and then said： “Dale， you arewrong. The gentleman is right. It is from the Bible.”
On our way home that night， I said to Mr. Gammond： “Frank，you knew that quotation was from Shakespeare.”
“Yes， of course，” he replied， “Hamlet， Act Five， Scene Two. Butwe were guests at a festive occasion， my dear Dale. Why prove toa man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why notlet him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He didn’twant it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.” Theman who said that taught me a lesson I’ll never forget. I not onlyhad made the storyteller uncomfortable， but had put my friend inan embarrassing situation. How much better it would have beenhad I not become argumentative.
It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an inveteratearguer. During my youth， I had argued with my brother abouteverything under the Milky Way. When I went to college， Istudied logic and argumentation and went in for debatingcontests. Later， I taught debating and argumentation in NewYork; and once， I am ashamed to admit， I planned to write abook on the subject. Since then， I have listened to， engaged in，and watched the effect of thousands of arguments. As a result ofall this， I have come to the conclusion that there is only one wayunder high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is toavoid it.
Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. Ninetimes out of ten， an argument ends with each of the contestantsmore firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.
You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it，you lose it; and if you win it， you lose it. Why? Well， suppose youtriumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holesand prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feelfine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. Youhave hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.
Years ago Patrick J. O’Haire joined one of my classes. Hehad had little education， and how he loved a scrap！ He hadonce been a chauffeur， and he came to me because he had beentrying， without much success， to sell trucks. A little questioningbrought out the fact that he was continually scrapping with andantagonizing the very people he was trying to do business with，If a prospect said anything derogatory about the trucks he wasselling， Pat saw red and was right at the customer’s throat. Patwon a lot of arguments in those days. As he said to me afterward， “Ioften walked out of an office saving： ‘I told that bird something.’
Sure I had told him something， but I hadn’t sold him anything.”
My first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O’Haire to talk.
My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking andto avoid verbal fights.
Mr. O’Haire became one of the star salesmen for the WhiteMotor company in New York. How did he do it?
As wise old Ben Franklin used to say： If you argue and rankle andcontradict， you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be anempty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.
So figure it out for yourself. Which would you rather have，an academic， theatrical victory or a person’s good will? You canseldom have both.
You may be right， dead right， as you speed along in yourargument; but as far as changing another’s mind is concerned，you will probably be just as futile as if you were wrong.
Frederick S. Parsons， an income tax consultant， had beendisputing and wrangling for an hour with a goverment tax inspector.
An item of nine thousand dollars was at stake. Mr. Parsons claimedthat this nine thousand dollars was in reality a bad debt， that itwould never be collected， that it ought not to be taxed. “Bad debt，my eye！” retorted the inspector. “It must be taxed.”
“This inspector was cold， arrogant and stubborn，” Mr. Parsonssaid as he told the story to the class. “Reason was wasted and sowere facts… The longer we argued， the more stubborn he became.
So I decided to avoid argument， change the subject， and give himappreciation.
“I said， ‘I suppose this is a very petty matter in comparisonwith the really important and difficult decisions you’re requiredto make. I’ve made a study of taxation myself. But I’ve had toget my knowledge from books. You are getting yours from thefiring line of experience. I sometime wish I had a job like yours. Itwould teach me a lot.’ I meant every word I said.