His sister-in-law was worried sick over her two boys.They were at Yale，and they were so busy with their own affairs that they neglected to write home and paid no attention whatever to their mother’s frantic letters.Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he could get an answer by return mail，without even asking for it.Someone called his bet；so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter，mentioning casually in a post-script that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill.
He neglected，however，to enclose the money.
Back came replies by return mail thanking “Dear Uncle Andrew”for his kind note and—you can finish the sentence yourself.
Another example of persuading comes from Stan Novak of Cleveland，Ohio，a participant in our course.Stan came home from work one evening to find his youngest son，Tim，kicking and screaming on the living room floor.He was to start kindergarten the next day and was protesting that he would not go.Stan’s normal reaction would have been to banish the child to his room and tell him he’d just better make up his mind to go.He had no choice.But tonight，recognizing that this would not really help Tim start kindergarten in the best frame of mind，Stan sat downand thought，“If I were Tim，why would I be excited about going to kindergarten？”He and his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim would do such as finger painting，singing songs，making new friends.Then they put them into action.“We all started finger-painting on the kitchen table—my wife，Lil，my other son Bob，and myself，all having fun.Soon Tim was peeping around the corner.Next he was begging to participate.‘Oh，no！You have to go to kindergarten first to learn how to finger-paint.’With all the enthusiasm I could muster I went through the list talking in terms he could understand—telling him all the fun he would have in kindergarten.The next morning，I thought I was the first one up.I went downstairs and found Tim sitting sound asleep in the living room chair.‘What are you doing here？’I asked.‘I’m waiting to go to kindergarten.I don’t want to be late.’The enthusiasm of our entire family had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amount of discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.”
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something.Before you speak，pause and ask yourself：“How can I make this person want to do it？”
That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly，with futile chatter about our desires.
At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certain New York hotel for twenty nights in each season in order to hold a series of lectures.
At the beginning of one season，I was suddenly informed that I should have to pay almost three times as much rent as formerly.This news reached me after the tickets had been printed and distributed and all announcements had been made.
Naturally，I didn’t want to pay the increase，but what was the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted？They wereinterested only in what they wanted.So a couple of days later I went to see the manager.
“I was a bit shocked when I got your letter，”I said，“but I don’t blame you at all.If I had been in your position，I should probably have written a similar letter myself.Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make all the profit possible.If you don’t do that，you will be fired and you ought to be fired.Now，let’s take a piece of paper and write down the advantages and the disadvantages that will accrue to you，if you insist on this increase in rent.”
Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through the center and headed one column “Advantages”and the other column “Disadvantages.”I wrote down under the head “Advantages”these words：“Ballroom free.”Then I went on to say：“You will have the advantage of having the ballroom free to rent for dances and conventions.That is a big advantage，for affairs like that will pay you much more than you can get for a series of lectures.If I tie your ballroom up for twenty nights during the course of the season，it is sure to mean a loss of some very profitable business to you.
“Now，let’s consider the disadvantages.First，instead of increasing your income from me，you are going to decrease it.In fact，you are going to wipe it out because I cannot pay the rent you are asking.I shall be forced to hold these lectures at some other place.“There’s another disadvantage to you also.These lectures attract crowds of educated and cultured people to your hotel.That is good advertising for you，isn’t it？In fact，if you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers，you couldn’t bring as many people to look at your hotel as I can bring by these lectures.That is worth a lot to a hotel，isn’t it？”
As I talked，I wrote these two “disadvantages”under the proper heading，and handed the sheet of paper to the manager，saying：“I wish you would carefully consider both the advantages and disadvantages that are going to accrue to you and then give me your final decision.”
I received a letter the next day，informing me that my rent would be increased only 50percent instead of 300percent.
Mind you，I got this reduction without saying a word about what I wanted.I talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it.
Suppose I had done the human，natural thing；suppose I had stormed into his office and said，“What do you mean by raising my rent three hundred percent when you know the tickets have been printed and the announcements made？Three hundred percent！Ridiculous！Absurd！I won’t pay it！”
What would have happened then？An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter—and you know how arguments end.Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong，his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.