DORAN [refectively].He has the divil's own luck,that Englishman,annyway;for when they picked him up he hadn't a scratch on him,barrn hwat the pig did to his cloes.Patsy had two fingers out o jynt;but the smith pulled them sthraight for him.Oh,you never heard such a hullaballoo as there was.There was Molly,cryin Me chaney,me beautyful chaney!n oul Mat shoutin Me pig,me pig!n the polus takin the number o the car,n not a man in the town able to speak for laughin--KEEGAN [with intense emphasis].It is hell:it is hell.Nowhere else could such a scene be a burst of happiness for the people.
Cornelius comes in hastily from the garden,pushing his way through the little crowd.
CORNELIUS.Whisht your laughin,boys!Here he is.[He puts his hat on the sideboard,and goes to the fireplace,where he posts himself with his back to the chimneypiece].
AUNT JUDY.Remember your behavior,now.
Everybody becomes silent,solemn,concerned,sympathetic.
Broadbent enters,roiled and disordered as to his motoring coat:
immensely important and serious as to himself.He makes his way to the end of the table nearest the garden door,whilst Larry,who accompanies him,throws his motoring coat on the sofa bed,and sits down,watching the proceedings.
BROADBENT [taking off his leather cap with dignity and placing it on the table].I hope you have not been anxious about me.
AUNT JUDY.Deedn we have,Mr Broadbent.It's a mercy you weren't killed.
DORAN.Kilt!It's a mercy dheres two bones of you left houldin together.How dijjescape at all at all?Well,I never thought I'd be so glad to see you safe and sound again.Not a man in the town would say less [murmurs of kindly assent].Won't you come down to Doolan's and have a dhrop o brandy to take the shock off?
BROADBENT.You're all really too kind;but the shock has quite passed off.
DORAN [jovially].Never mind.Come along all the same and tell us about it over a frenly glass.
BROADBENT.May I say how deeply I feel the kindness with which Ihave been overwhelmed since my accident?I can truthfully declare that I am glad it happened,because it has brought out the kindness and sympathy of the Irish character to an extent I had no conception of.
SEVERAL {Oh,sure you're welcome!
PRESENT.{Sure it's only natural.
{Sure you might have been kilt.
A young man,on the point of bursting,hurries out.Barney puts an iron constraint on his features.
BROADBENT.All I can say is that I wish I could drink the health of everyone of you.
DORAN.Dhen come an do it.
BROADBENT [very solemnly].No:I am a teetotaller.
AUNT JUDY [incredulously].Arra since when?
BROADBENT.Since this morning,Miss Doyle.I have had a lesson [he looks at Nora significantly]that I shall not forget.It may be that total abstinence has already saved my life;for I was astonished at the steadiness of my nerves when death stared me in the face today.So I will ask you to excuse me.[He collects himself for a speech].Gentlemen:I hope the gravity of the peril through which we have all passed--for I know that the danger to the bystanders was as great as to the occupants of the car--will prove an earnest of closer and more serious relations between us in the future.We have had a somewhat agitating day:a valuable and innocent animal has lost its life:a public building has been wrecked:an aged and infirm lady has suffered an impact for which I feel personally responsible,though my old friend Mr Laurence Doyle unfortunately incurred the first effects of her very natural resentment.I greatly regret the damage to Mr Patrick Farrell's fingers;and I have of course taken care that he shall not suffer pecuniarily by his mishap.[Murmurs of admiration at his magnanimity,and A Voice "You're a gentleman,sir"].I am glad to say that Patsy took it like an Irishman,and,far from expressing any vindictive feeling,declared his willingness to break all his fingers and toes for me on the same terms [subdued applause,and "More power to Patsy!"].Gentlemen:I felt at home in Ireland from the first [rising excitement among his hearers].
In every Irish breast I have found that spirit of liberty [Acheery voice "Hear Hear"],that instinctive mistrust of the Government [A small pious voice,with intense expression,"God bless you,sir!"],that love of independence [A defiant voice,"That's it!Independence!"],that indignant sympathy with the cause of oppressed nationalities abroad [A threatening growl from all:the ground-swell of patriotic passion],and with the resolute assertion of personal rights at home,which is all but extinct in my own country.If it were legally possible I should become a naturalized Irishman;and if ever it be my good fortune to represent an Irish constituency in parliament,it shall be my first care to introduce a Bill legalizing such an operation.Ibelieve a large section of the Liberal party would avail themselves of it.[Momentary scepticism].I do.[Convulsive cheering].Gentlemen:I have said enough.[Cries of "Go on"].No:
I have as yet no right to address you at all on political subjects;and we must not abuse the warmhearted Irish hospitality of Miss Doyle by turning her sittingroom into a public meeting.
DORAN [energetically].Three cheers for Tom Broadbent,the future member for Rosscullen!
AUNT JUDY [waving a half knitted sock].Hip hip hurray!
The cheers are given with great heartiness,as it is by this time,for the more humorous spirits present,a question of vociferation or internal rupture.
BROADBENT.Thank you from the bottom of my heart,friends.
NORA [whispering to Doran].Take them away,Mr Doran [Doran nods].
DORAN.Well,good evenin,Mr Broadbent;an may you never regret the day you wint dhrivin wid Halligan's pig![They shake hands].
Good evenin,Miss Doyle.