"A fighting chance," he said, "may do for a speculation, but it is not a good investment.You owe something to young Rollins.
Your grateful feeling does you credit.But don't overwork it.
Send him three or four hundred, if you like.You'll never hear from it again, except in the letter of thanks.But for Heaven's sake don't be sentimental.Religion is not a matter of sentiment;it's a matter of principle."The face of the younger man changed now.But instead of becomingfixed and graven, it seemed to melt into life by the heat of an inward fire.His nostrils quivered with quick breath, his lips were curled."Principle!" he said."You mean principal--and interest too.Well, sir, you know best whether that is religion or not.
But if it is, count me out, please.Tom saved me from going to the devil, six years ago; and I'll be damned if I don't help him to the best of my ability now."John Weightman looked at his son steadily."Harold," he said at last, "you know I dislike violent language, and it never has any influence with me.If I could honestly approve of this proposition of yours, I'd let you have the money; but I can't;it's extravagant and useless.But you have your Christmas check for a thousand dollars coming to you to-morrow.You can use it as you please.
I never interfere with your private affairs.""Thank you," said Harold."Thank you very much! But there's another private affair.I want to get away from this life, this town, this house.
It stifles me.You refused last summer when I asked you to let me go up to Grenfell's Mission on the Labrador.I could go now, at least as far as the Newfoundland Station.Have you changed your mind?""Not at all.I think it is an exceedingly foolish enterprise.
It would interrupt the career that I have marked out for you.""Well, then, here's a cheaper proposition.Algy Vanderhoof wants me to join him on his yacht with--well, with a little party--to cruise in the West Indies.Would you prefer that?""Certainly not! The Vanderhoof set is wild and godless--I do not wish to see you keeping company with fools who walk in the broad and easy way that leads to perdition.""It is rather a hard choice," said the young man, with a short laugh, turning toward the door."According to you there's very little difference--a fool's paradise or a fool's hell! Well, it's one or the other for me, and I'll toss up for it to-night: heads, Ilose;tails, the devil wins.Anyway, I'm sick of this, and I'm out of it.""Harold," said the older man (and there was a slight tremor in his voice), "don't let us quarrel on Christmas Eve.All I want is to persuade you to think seriously of the duties and responsibilities to which God has called you--don't speak lightly of heaven and hell--remember, there is another life."The young man came back and laid his hand upon his father's shoulder.
"Father," he said, "I want to remember it.I try to believe in it.
But somehow or other, in this house, it all seems unreal to me.
No doubt all you say is perfectly right and wise.I don't venture to argue against it, but I can't feel it--that's all.If I'm to have a soul, either to lose or to save, I must really live.Just now neither the present nor the future means anything to me.But surely we won't quarrel.
I'm very grateful to you, and we'll part friends.Good-night, sir."The father held out his hand in silence.The heavy portiere dropped noiselessly behind the son, and he went up the wide, curving stairway to his own room.
Meantime John Weightman sat in his carved chair in the Jacobean dining-room.He felt strangely old and dull.The portraits of beautiful women by Lawrence and Reynolds and Raeburn, which had often seemed like real company to him, looked remote and uninteresting.
He fancied something cold and almost unfriendly in their expression, as if they were staring through him or beyond him.They cared nothing for his principles, his hopes, his disappointments, his successes;they belonged to another world, in which he had no place.At this he felt a vague resentment, a sense of discomfort that he could not have defined or explained.He was used to being considered, respected, appreciated at his full value in every region, even in that of his own dreams.
Presently he rang for the butler, telling him to close the house and not to sit up, and walked with lagging steps into the long library, where the shaded lamps were burning.His eye fell upon the low shelves full of costly books, but he had no desire to open them.Even the carefully chosen pictures that hung above them seemed to have lost their attraction.He paused for a moment before an idyll of Corot--a dance of nymphs around some forgotten altar in a vaporous glade--and looked at it curiously.There was something rapturous and serene about the picture, a breath of spring-time in the misty trees, a harmony of joy in the dancing figures, that wakened in him a feeling of half-pleasure and half-envy.It represented something that he had never known in his calculated, orderly life.He was dimly mistrustful of it.
"It is certainly very beautiful," he thought, "but it is distinctly pagan;that altar is built to some heathen god.It does not fit into the scheme of a Christian life.I doubt whether it is consistent with the tone of my house.I will sell it this winter.It will bringthree or four times what I paid for it.That was a good purchase, a very good bargain."He dropped into the revolving chair before his big library table.
It was covered with pamphlets and reports of the various enterprises in which he was interested.There was a pile of newspaper clippings in which his name was mentioned with praise for his sustaining power as a pillar of finance, for his judicious benevolence, for his support of wise and prudent reform movements, for his discretion in ****** permanent public gifts--"the Weightman Charities," one very complaisant editor called them, as if they deserved classification as a distinct species.