And well done too, by Posidon! We men must share the blame of their ill conduct; it is we who teach them to love riot and dissoluteness and sow the seeds of wickedness in their hearts.You see a husband go into a shop: "Look you, jeweller," says he, "you remember the necklace you made for my wife.Well, the other evening, when she was dancing, the catch came open.Now, I am bound to start for Salamis; will you make it convenient to go up to-night to make her fastening secure?" Another will go to the cobbler, a great, strong fellow, with a great, long tool, and tell him: "The strap of one of my wife's sandals presses her little toe, which is extremely sensitive;come in about midday to supple the thing and stretch it." Now see the results.Take my own case-as a Magistrate I have enlisted rowers; I want money to pay them, and the women slam the door in my face.But why do we stand here with arms crossed? Bring me a crowbar; I'll chastise their insolence!-Ho! there, my fine fellow!
(to one of the Scythians) what are, you gaping at the crows for?
looking for a tavern, I suppose, eh? Come on, bring crowbars here, and force open the gates.I will put a hand to the work myself.
***ISTRATA (opening the gate and walking out)No need to force the gates; I am coming out-here I am.And why bolts and bars? What we want here is not bolts and bars and locks, but common sense.
MAGISTRATE (jumping nervously, then striving manfully to regain his dignity)Really, my fine lady! Where is my officer? I want him to tie that woman's hands behind her back.
***ISTRATA
By Artemis, the virgin goddess! if he touches me with the tip of his finger, officer of the public peace though he be, let him look out for himself!
(The first Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE (to another officer)
How now, are you afraid? Seize her, I tell you, round the body.
Two of you at her, and have done with it!
CLEONICE
By Pandrosos! if you lay a hand on her, Ill trample you underfoot till the crap comes out of you!
(The second Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
Look at the mess you've made! Where is there another officer? (To the third Scythian) Bind that minx first, the one who speaks so prettily!
MYRRHINE
By Phoebe, if you touch her with one finger, you'd better call quick for a surgeon!
(The third Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
What's that? Where's the officer? (To the fourth Scythian) Lay hold of her.Oh! but I'm going to stop your foolishness for you all CLEONICEBy the Tauric Artemis, if you go near her, I'll pull out your hair, scream as you like.
(The fourth Scythian defecates in terror.)
MAGISTRATE
Ah! miserable man that I am! My own officers desert me.What ho!
are we to let ourselves be bested by a mob of women? Ho! Scythians mine, close up your ranks, and forward!
***ISTRATA
By the holy goddesses! you'll have to make acquaintance with four companies of women, ready for the fray and well armed to boot.
MAGISTRATE
Forward, Scythians, and bind them!
(The Scythians advance reluctantly.)
***ISTRATA
Forward, my gallant companions; march forth, ye vendors of grain and eggs, garlic and vegetables, keepers of taverns and bakeries, wrench and strike and tear; come, a torrent of invective and insult!
(They beat the Scythians who retire in haste.) Enough, enough now retire, never rob the vanquished!
(The women withdraw.)
MAGISTRATE
How unfortunate for my officers!
***ISTRATA
Ah, ha! so you thought you had only to do with a set of slave-women! you did not know the ardour that fills the bosom of free-born dames.
MAGISTRATE
Ardour! yes, by Apollo, ardour enough-especially for the wine-cup!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Sir, sir what good are words? they are of no avail with wild beasts of this sort.Don't you know how they have just washed us down-and with no very fragrant soap!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
What would you have? You should never have laid rash hands on us.If you start afresh, I'll knock your eyes out.My delight is to stay at home as coy as a young maid, without hurting anybody or moving any more than a milestone; but 'ware the wasps, if you go stirring up the wasps' nest!
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
Ah! great gods! how get the better of these ferocious creatures?
'tis past all bearing! But come, let us try to find out the reason of the dreadful scourge.With what end in view have they seized the citadel of Cranaus, the sacred shrine that is raised upon the inaccessible rock of the Acropolis?
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (to the MAGISTRATE)Question them; be cautious and not too credulous.It would be culpable negligence not to pierce the mystery, if we may.
MAGISTRATE (addressing the women)
I would ask you first why you have barred our gates.
***ISTRATA
To seize the treasury; no more money, no more war.
MAGISTRATE
Then money is the cause of the war?
***ISTRATA
And of all our troubles.It was to find occasion to steal that Pisander and all the other agitators were forever raising revolutions.
Well and good! but they'll never get another drachma here.
MAGISTRATE
What do you propose to do then, pray?
***ISTRATA
You ask me that! Why, we propose to administer the treasury ourselves.
MAGISTRATE
You do?
***ISTRATA
What is there in that to surprise you? Do we not administer the budget of household expenses?
MAGISTRATE
But that is not the same thing.
***ISTRATA
How so-not the same thing?
MAGISTRATE
It is the treasury supplies the expenses of the war.
***ISTRATA
That's our first principle-no war!
MAGISTRATE
What! and the safety of the city?
***ISTRATA
We will provide for that.
MAGISTRATE
You?
***ISTRATA
Yes, we!
MAGISTRATE
What a sorry business!
***ISTRATA
Yes, we're going to save you, whether you like it or not.
MAGISTRATE
Oh! the impudence of the creatures!
***ISTRATA
You seem annoyed! but it has to be done, nevertheless.
MAGISTRATE
But it's the very height of iniquity!
***ISTRATA (testily)
We're going to save you, my good man.
MAGISTRATE
But if I don't want to be saved?
***ISTRATA
Why, all the more reason!
MAGISTRATE
But what a notion, to concern yourselves with questions of peace and war!