"Mother," she said, with dreadful calmness, "the Frenchman is one of my brothers.""Then stay, my daughter," said the Superior, after a pause.
The piece of admirable Jesuitry told of such love and regret, that a man less strongly constituted might have broken down under the keen delight in the midst of a great and, for him, an entirely novel peril.Oh! how precious words, looks, and gestures became when love must baffle lynx eyes and tiger's claws! Sister Theresa came back.
"You see, my brother, what I have dared to do only to speak to you for a moment of your salvation and of the prayers that my soul puts up for your soul daily.I am committing mortal sin.Ihave told a lie.How many days of penance must expiate that lie!
But I shall endure it for your sake.My brother, you do not know what happiness it is to love in heaven; to feel that you can confess love purified by religion, love transported into the highest heights of all, so that we are permitted to lose sight of all but the soul.If the doctrine and the spirit of the Saint to whom we owe this refuge had not raised me above earth's anguish, and caught me up and set me, far indeed beneath the Sphere wherein she dwells, yet truly above this world, I should not have seen you again.But now I can see you, and hear your voice, and remain calm----"The General broke in, "But, Antoinette, let me see you, you whom I love passionately, desperately, as you could have wished me to love you.""Do not call me Antoinette, I implore you.Memories of the past hurt me.You must see no one here but Sister Theresa, a creature who trusts in the Divine mercy." She paused for a little, and then added, "You must control yourself, my brother.Our Mother would separate us without pity if there is any worldly passion in your face, or if you allow the tears to fall from your eyes."The General bowed his head to regain self-control; when he looked up again he saw her face beyond the grating--the thin, white, but still impassioned face of the nun.All the magic charm of youth that once bloomed there, all the fair contrast of velvet whiteness and the colour of the Bengal rose, had given place to a burning glow, as of a porcelain jar with a faint light shining through it.The wonderful hair in which she took such pride had been shaven; there was a bandage round her forehead and about her face.An ascetic life had left dark traces about the eyes, which still sometimes shot out fevered glances; their ordinary calm expression was but a veil.In a few words, she was but the ghost of her former self.
"Ah! you that have come to be my life, you must come out of this tomb! You were mine; you had no right to give yourself, even to God.Did you not promise me to give up all at the least command from me? You may perhaps think me worthy of that promise now when you hear what I have done for you.I have sought you all through the world.You have been in my thoughts at every moment for five years; my life has been given to you.My friends, very powerful friends, as you know, have helped with all their might to search every convent in France, Italy, Spain, Sicily, and America.Love burned more brightly for every vain search.Again and again I made long journeys with a false hope; I have wasted my life and the heaviest throbbings of my heart in vain under many a dark convent wall.I am not speaking of a faithfulness that knows no bounds, for what is it?--nothing compared with the infinite longings of my love.If your remorse long ago was sincere, you ought not to hesitate to follow me today.""You forget that I am not free."
"The Duke is dead," he answered quickly.
Sister Theresa flushed red.
"May heaven be open to him!" she cried with a quick rush of feeling."He was generous to me.--But I did not mean such ties;it was one of my sins that I was ready to break them all without scruple--for you.""Are you speaking of your vows?" the General asked, frowning.
"I did not think that anything weighed heavier with your heart than love.But do not think twice of it, Antoinette; the Holy Father himself shall absolve you of your oath.I will surely go to Rome, I will entreat all the powers of earth; if God could come down from heaven, I would----""Do not blaspheme."
"So do not fear the anger of God.Ah! I would far rather hear that you would leave your prison for me; that this very night you would let yourself down into a boat at the foot of the cliffs.