"How is it possible," said she to her, "you cannot perceive there is a criminal intercourse between them? If besides what strikes your eyes you stand in need of other proofs, lend your assistance to obtain that which may furnish them; you say he tears the letters from Madam d'Houdetot as soon as he has read them.Well, carefully gather up the pieces and give them to me; I will take upon myself to put them together." Such were the lessons my friend gave to the partner of my bed.
Theresa had the discretion to conceal from me, for a considerable time, all these attempts; but perceiving how much I was perplexed, she thought herself obliged to inform me of everything, to the end that knowing with whom I had to do, I might take my measures accordingly.
My rage and indignation are not to be described.Instead of dissembling with Madam d'Epinay, according to her own example, and ****** use of counterplots, I abandoned myself without reserve to the natural impetuosity of my temper; and with my accustomed inconsiderateness came to an open rupture.My imprudence will be judged of by the following letters, which sufficiently show the manner of proceeding of both parties on this occasion.
NOTE FROM MADAM D'EPINAY.
Packet A, No.44.
"Why, my dear friend, do I not see you? You make me uneasy.You have so often promised me to do nothing but go and come between this place and the Hermitage! In this I have left you at liberty; and you have suffered a week to pass without coming.Had not I been told you were well I should have imagined the contrary.I expected you either the day before yesterday, or yesterday, but found myself disappointed.
My God, what is the matter with you? You have no business, nor can you have any uneasiness; for had this been the case, I flatter myself you would have come and communicated it to me.You are, therefore, ill! Relieve me, I beseech you, speedily from my fears.Adieu, my dear friend: let this adieu produce me a good-morning from you."ANSWER.
Wednesday morning.
"I cannot yet say anything to you.I wait to be better informed, and this I shall be sooner or later.In the meantime be persuaded that innocence will find a defender sufficiently powerful to cause some repentance in the slanderers, be they who they may."SECOND NOTE FROM THE SAME.
Packet A, No.45.
"Do you know that your letter frightens me? What does it mean? Ihave read it twenty times.In truth I do not understand what it means.
All I can perceive is, that you are uneasy and tormented, and that you wait until you are no longer so before you speak to me upon the subject.Is this, my dear friend, what we agreed upon? What then is become of that friendship and confidence, and by what means have Ilost them? Is it with me or for me that you are angry? However this may be, come to me this evening I conjure you; remember you promised me no longer than a week ago to let nothing remain upon your mind, but immediately to communicate to me whatever might make it uneasy.My dear friend, I live in that confidence- There- I have just read your letter again; I do not understand the contents better, but they make me tremble.You seem to be cruelly agitated.I could wish to calm your mind, but as I am ignorant of the cause whence your uneasiness arises, I know not what to say, except that I am as wretched as yourself, and shall remain so until we meet.If you are not here this evening at six o'clock, I set off to-morrow for the Hermitage, let the weather be how it will, and in whatever state of health I may be; for I can no longer support the inquietude I now feel.Good day, my dear friend, at all risks I take the liberty to tell you, without knowing whether or not you are in need of such advice, to endeavor to stop the progress uneasiness makes in solitude.A fly becomes a monster.I have frequently experienced it."ANSWER.
Wednesday evening.
"I can neither come to see you nor receive your visit so long as my present inquietude continues.The confidence of which you speak no longer exists, and it will be easy for you to recover it.I see nothing more in your present anxiety than the desire of drawing from the confessions of others some advantage agreeable to your views;and my heart, so ready to pour its overflowings into another which opens itself to receive them, is shut against trick and cunning.Idistinguish your ordinary address in the difficulty you find in understanding my note.Do you think me dupe enough to believe you have not comprehended what it meant? No: but I shall know how to overcome your subtleties by my frankness.I will explain myself more clearly, that you may understand me still less.
"Two lovers closely united and worthy of each other's love are dear to me; I expect you will not know who I mean unless I name them.I presume attempts have been made to disunite them, and that Ihave been made use of to inspire one of the two with jealousy.The choice was not judicious, but it appeared convenient to the purposes of malice, and of this malice it is you whom I suspect to be guilty.Ihope this becomes more clear.
"Thus the woman whom I most esteem would, with my knowledge, have been loaded with the infamy of dividing her heart and person between two lovers, and I with that of being one of these wretches.If Iknew that, for a single moment in your life, you ever had thought this, either of her or myself, I should hate you until my last hour.
But it is with having said, and not with having thought it, that Icharge you.In this case, I cannot comprehend which of the three you wished to injure; but, if you love peace of mind, tremble lest you should have succeeded.I have not concealed either from you or her all the ill I think of certain connections, but I wish these to end by a means as virtuous as their cause, and that an illegitimate love may be changed into an eternal friendship.Should I, who never do ill to any person, be the innocent means of doing it to my friends? No, Ishould never forgive you; I should become your irreconcilable enemy.
Your secrets are all I should respect; for I will never be a man without honor.