书城公版THE CONFESSIONS
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第157章 [1749](10)

He suddenly fell into the strangest state imaginable.He passed days and nights in a continued lethargy.He lay with his eyes open; and although his pulse continued to beat regularly, without speaking, eating, or stirring, yet sometimes seeming to hear what was said to him, but never answering, not even by a sign, and remaining almost as immovable as if he had been dead, yet without agitation, pain, or fever.The Abbe Raynal and myself watched over him; the abbe, more robust, and in better health than I was, by night, and I by day, without ever both being absent at one time.The Comte de Friese was alarmed, and brought to him Senac, who, after having examined the state in which he was, said there was nothing to apprehend, and took his leave without giving a prescription.My fears for my friend made me carefully observe the countenance of the physician, and I perceived him smile as he went away.However, the patient remained several days almost motionless, without taking anything except a few preserved cherries, which from time to time I put upon his tongue, and which he swallowed without difficulty.At length he, one morning, rose, dressed himself, and returned to his usual way of life, without either at that time or afterwards speaking to me or the Abbe Raynal, at least that I know of, or to any other person, of this singular lethargy, or the care we had taken of him during the time it lasted.

The affair made a noise, and it would really have been a wonderful circumstance had the cruelty of an opera girl made a man die of despair.This strong passion brought Grimm into vogue; he was soon considered as a prodigy in love, friendship, and attachments of every kind.Such an opinion made his company sought after, and procured him a good reception in the first circles; by which means he separated from me, with whom he was never inclined to associate when he could do it with anybody else.I perceived him to be on the point of breaking with me entirely; for the lively and ardent sentiments, of which he made a parade, were those which, with less noise and pretension, I had really conceived for him.I was glad he succeeded in the world; but I did not wish him to do this by forgetting his friend.I one day said to him: "Grimm, you neglect me, and I forgive you for it.When the first intoxication of your success is over, and you begin to perceive a void in your enjoyments, I hope you will return to your friend, whom you will always find in the same sentiments: at present do not constrain yourself, I leave you at liberty to act as you please, and wait your leisure." He said I was right, made his arrangements in consequence, and shook off all restraint, so that I saw no more of him except in company with our common friends.

Our chief rendezvous, before he was connected with Madam d'Epinay as he afterwards became, was at the house of Baron d'Holbach.This said baron was the son of a man who had raised himself from obscurity.

His fortune was considerable, and he used it nobly, receiving at his house men of letters and merit: and, by the knowledge he himself had acquired, was very worthy of holding a place amongst them.Having been long attached to Diderot, he endeavored to become acquainted with me by his means, even before my name was known to the world.A natural repugnancy prevented me a long time from answering his advances.One day, when he asked me the reason of my unwillingness, I told him he was too rich.He was, however, resolved to carry his point, and at length succeeded.My greatest misfortune proceeded from my being unable to resist the force of marked attention.I have ever had reason to repent of having yielded to it.

Another acquaintance which, as soon as I had any pretensions to it, was converted into friendship, was that of M.Duclos.I had several years before seen him, for the first time, at the Chevrette, at the house of Madam d'Epinay, with whom he was upon very good terms.

On that day we only dined together, and he returned to town in the afternoon.But we had a conversation of a few moments after dinner.

Madam d'Epinay had mentioned me to him, and my opera of the Muses Gallantes.Duclos, endowed with too great talents not to be a friend to those in whom the like were found, was prepossessed in my favor, and invited me to go and see him.Notwithstanding my former wish, increased by an acquaintance, I was withheld by my timidity and indolence, as long as I had no other passport to him than his complaisance.But encouraged by my first success, and by his eulogiums, which reached my ears, I went to see him; he returned my visit, and thus began the connection, between us, which will ever render him dear to me.By him, as well as from the testimony of my own heart, I learned that uprightness and probity may sometimes be connected with the cultivation of letters.

Many other connections less solid, and which I shall not here particularize, were the effects of my first success, and lasted until curiosity was satisfied.I was a man so easily known, that on the next day nothing new was to be discovered in me.However, a woman, who at that time was desirous of my acquaintance, became much more solidly attached to me than any of those whose curiosity I had excited: this was the Marchioness of Crequi, niece to M.le Bailli de Froulay, ambassador from Malta, whose brother had preceded M.de Montaigu in the embassay to Venice, and whom I had gone to see on my return from that city.Madam de Crequi wrote to me: I visited her: she received me into her friendship.I sometimes dined with her.I met at her table several men of letters, amongst others M.Saurin, the author of Spartacus, Barnevelt, etc., since become my implacable enemy; for no other reason, at least that I can imagine, than my bearing the name of a man whom his father has cruelly persecuted.