Scaphephorus, do you take the large basin, place in it the honeycombs and twine the olive-branches over them, bring the tripods and the phial of perfume; as for the humble crowd of little pots, Iwill just leave them behind.
CITIZEN (watching CHREMES from a distance)What folly to carry one's goods to the common store; I have a little more sense than that. No, no, by Posidon, I want first to ponder and calculate over the thing at leisure. I shall not be fool enough to strip myself of the fruits of my toil and thrift, if it is not for a very good reason; let us see first which way things turn.
(He walks over to CHREMES) Hi! friend, what means this display of goods? Are you moving or are you going to pawn your stuff?
CHREMES
Neither.
CITIZEN
Why then are you setting all these things out in line? Is it a procession that you are starting off to Hiero, the public crier?
CHREMES
No, but in accordance with the new law that has been decreed, I am going to carry all these things to the market-place to make a gift of them to the state.
CITIZEN
Oh! bah! you don't mean that.
CHREMES
Certainly.
CITIZEN
Oh! Zeus the Deliverer! you unfortunate man!
CHREMES
Why?
CITIZEN
Why? It's as clear as noonday.
CHREMES
Must the laws not be obeyed then?
CITIZEN
What laws, you poor fellow?
CHREMES
Those that have been decreed.
CITIZEN
Decreed! Are you mad, I ask you?
CHREMES
Am I mad?
CITIZEN
Oh! this is the height of folly!
CHREMES
Because I obey the law?
CITIZEN
Is that the duty of a smart man?
CHREMES
Absolutely.
CITIZEN
Say rather of a ninny.
CHREMES
Don't you propose taking what belongs to you to the common stock?
CITIZEN
I'll take good care I don't until I see what the majority are doing.
CHREMES
There's but one opinion, namely, to contribute every single thing one has.
CITIZEN
I am waiting to see it, before I believe that.
CHREMES
At least, so they say in every street.
CITIZEN (sardonically)
And they will go on saying so.
CHREMES
Everyone talks of contributing all he has.
CITIZEN (in the same tone)
And will go on talking of it.
CHREMES
You weary me with your doubts and dubitations.
CITIZEN (in the same tone)
Everybody else will doubt it.
CHREMES
The pest seize you!
CITIZEN (in the same tone)
It will take you. (Then seriously) What? give up your goods! Is there a man of sense who will do such a thing? Giving is not one of our customs. Receiving is another matter; it's the way of the gods themselves. Look at the position of their hands on their statues; when we ask a favour, they present their hands turned palm up so as not to give, but to receive.
CHREMES
Wretch, let me do what is right. Come, I'll make a bundle of all these things. Where is my strap?
CITIZEN
Are you really going to carry them in?
CHREMES
Undoubtedly, and there are my two tripods strung together already.
CITIZEN
What folly! Not to wait to see what the others do, and then...
CHREMES
Well, and then what?
CITIZEN
...wait and put it off again.
CHREMES
What for?
CITIZEN
That an earthquake may come or an ill-omened flash of lightning, that a black cat may run across the street and no one carry in anything more, you fool!
CHREMES
It would be a fine thing if I were to find no room left for placing all this.
CITIZEN
You are much more likely to lose your stuff. As for placing it, you can be at ease, for there will be room enough as long as a month hence.
CHREMES
Why?
CITIZEN
I know these people; a decree is readily passed, but it is not so easily attended to.
CHREMES
All will contribute their property, my friend.
CITIZEN
But what if they don't?
CHREMES
But there is no doubt that they will.
CITIZEN (insistently)
But anyhow, what if they don't?
CHREMES
Do not worry; they will.
CITIZEN
And what if they oppose it?
CHREMES
We shall compel them to do so.
CITIZEN
And what if they prove the stronger?
CHREMES
I shall leave my goods and go off.
CITIZEN
And what if they sell them for you?
CHREMES
The plague take you!
CITIZEN
And if it does?
CHREMES
It will be a good riddance.
CITIZEN (in an incredulous tone)
You are really bent on contributing, then?
CHREMES
'Pon my soul, yes! Look, there are all my neighbours carrying in all they have.
CITIZEN (sarcastically)
Oh yes, it's Antisthenes; he's the type that would contribute!
He would just as soon spend the next month sitting on the can.
CHREMES
The pest seize you!
CITIZEN
Will Callimachus, the chorus-master, contribute anything?
CHREMES
Why, more than Callias!
CITIZEN
The man must want to spend all his money!
CHREMES
How you weary me!
CITIZEN
Ah! I weary you? But, wretch, see what comes of decrees of this kind. Don't you remember the one reducing the price of salt?
CHREMES
Why, certainly I do.
CITIZEN
And do you remember that about the copper coinage?
CHREMES
Ah! that cursed money did me enough harm. I had sold my grapes and had my mouth stuffed with pieces of copper; indeed I was going to the market to buy flour, and was in the act of holding out my bag wide open, when the herald started shouting, "Let none in future accept pieces of copper; those of silver are alone current."CITIZEN
And quite lately, were we not all swearing that the impost of one-fortieth, which Euripides had conceived, would bring five hundred talents to the state, and everyone was vaunting Euripides to the skies? But when the thing was looked at closely, it was seen that this fine decree was mere moonshine and would produce nothing, and you would have willingly burnt this very same Euripides alive.
CHREMES
The cases are quite different, my good fellow. We were the rulers then, but now it's the women.
CITIZEN
Whom, by Posidon, I will never allow to piss on my nose.
CHREMES
I don't know what the devil you're chattering about. Slave, pick up that bundle.
HERALD (a woman)