Then he added that the women lend each other clothes, trinkets of gold and silver, drinking-cups, and not before witnesses too, but all by themselves, and that they return everything with exactitude without ever cheating each other; whereas, according to him, we are ever ready to deny the loans we have effected.
BLEPYRUS
Yes, by Posidon, and in spite of witnesses.
CHREMES
Again, he said that women were not informers, nor did they bring lawsuits, nor hatch conspiracies; in short, he praised the women in every possible manner.
BLEPYRUS
And what was decided?
CHREMES
To confide the direction of affairs to them; it's the one and only innovation that has not yet been tried at Athens.
BLEPYRUS
And it was voted?
CHREMES
Yes.
BLEPYRUS
And everything that used to be the men's concern has been given over to the women?
CHREMES
You express it exactly.
BLEPYRUS
Thus it will be my wife who will go to the courts now in my stead?
CHREMES
And it will be she who will keep your children in your place.
BLEPYRUS
I shall no longer have to tire myself out with work from daybreak onwards?
CHREMES
No, 'twill be the women's business, and you can stay at home and amuse yourself with farting the whole day through.
BLEPYRUS
Well, what I fear for us fellows now is, that, holding the reins of government, they will forcibly compel us...
CHREMES
To do what?
BLEPYRUS
...to lay them.
CHREMES
And if we are not able?
BLEPYRUS
They will give us no dinner.
CHREMES
Well then, do your duty; dinner and love-****** form a double enjoyment.
BLEPYRUS
Ah! but I hate compulsion.
CHREMES
But if it is for the public good, let us resign ourselves. It's an old saying that our absurdest and maddest decrees always somehow turn out for our good. May it be so in this case, oh gods, oh venerable Pallas! But I must be off; so, good-bye to you!
(Exit.)
BLEPYRUS
Good-bye, Chremes.
(He goes back into his house.)
CHORUS (returning from the Assembly, still dressed like men;singing)
March along, go forward. Is there some man following us? Turn round, examine everywhere and keep a good look-out; be on your guard against every trick, for they might spy on us from behind. Let us make as much noise as possible as we tramp. It would be a disgrace for all of us if we allowed ourselves to be caught in this deed by the men. Come, wrap yourselves up well, and search both right and left, so that no mischance may happen to us. Let us hasten our steps; here we are close to the meeting-place whence we started for the Assembly, and here is the house of our leader, the author of this bold scheme, which is now decreed by all the citizens. Let us not lose a moment in taking off our false beards, for we might be recognized and denounced. Let us stand under the shadow of this wall; let us glance round sharply with our eye to beware of surprises, while we quickly resume our ordinary dress. Ah! here is our leader, returning from the Assembly.
Hasten to relieve your chins of these flowing manes. Look at your comrades yonder; they have already made themselves women again some while ago.
(They remove the beards as PRAXAGORA and the other women enter from the right through the Orchestra.)PRAXAGORA
Friends, success has crowned our plans. But off with these cloaks and these boots quick, before any man sees you; unbuckle the Laconian straps and get rid of your staffs; (to the LEADER) and you help them with their toilet. As for myself, I am going to slip quietly into the house and replace my husband's cloak and other gear where Itook them from, before he can suspect anything.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
There! it's done according to your bidding. Now tell us how we can be of service to you, so that we may show you our obedience, for we have never seen a cleverer woman than you.
PRAXAGORA
Wait! I only wish to use the power given me in accordance with your wishes; for, in the market-place, in the midst of the shouts and danger, I appreciated your indomitable courage.
(Just as she is about to enter the house BLEPYRUS appears in the doorway.)BLEPYRUS
Eh, Praxagora! where are you coming from?
PRAXAGORA
How does that concern you, dear?
BLEPYRUS
Why, greatly! what a silly question!
PRAXAGORA
You don't think I have come from a lover's?
BLEPYRUS
No, perhaps not from only one.
PRAXAGORA
You can make yourself sure of that.
BLEPYRUS
And how?
PRAXAGORA
You can see whether my hair smells of perfume.
BLEPYRUS
What? cannot a woman possibly be laid without perfume, eh!
PRAXAGORA
The gods forfend, as far as I am concerned.
BLEPYRUS
Why did you go off at early dawn with my cloak?
PRAXAGORA
Acompanion, a friend who was in labour, had sent to fetch me.
BLEPYRUS
Could you not have told me?
PRAXAGORA
Oh, my dear, would you have me caring nothing for a poor woman in that plight?
BLEPYRUS
A word would have been enough. There's something behind all this.
PRAXAGORA
No, I call the goddesses to witness! I went running off; the poor woman who summoned me begged me to come, whatever might betide.
BLEPYRUS
And why did you not take your mantle? Instead of that, you carry of mine, you throw your dress upon the bed and you leave me as the dead are left, bar the chaplets and perfumes.
PRAXAGORA
It was cold, and I am frail and delicate; I took your cloak for greater warmth, leaving you thoroughly warm yourself beneath your coverlets.
BLEPYRUS
And my shoes and staff, those too went off with you?
PRAXAGORA
I was afraid they might rob me of the cloak, and so, to look like a man, I put on your shoes and walked with a heavy tread and struck the stones with your staff.
BLEPYRUS
D'you know you have made us lose a ***tary of wheat, which Ishould have bought with the triobolus of the Assembly?
PRAXAGORA
Be comforted, for she had a boy.
BLEPYRUS
Who? the Assembly?
PRAXAGORA
No, no, the woman I helped. But has the Assembly taken place then?
BLEPYRUS
Did I not tell you of it yesterday?
PRAXAGORA
True; I remember now.
BLEPYRUS
And don't you know the decrees that have been voted?
PRAXAGORA
No indeed.
BLEPYRUS
Go to! you can live on lobster from now on, for they say the government is handed over to you.
PRAXAGORA
To do what-to spin?