That is, if it must die; and maybe if I were there we might hatch up some next-to-impossible way to make it take up its bed and take a walk.
So, at the end of four hours I started, still whirling and walked over to the rue Scribe-- 4 P.M.--and asked a question or two and was told Ishould be running a big risk if I took the 9 P.M.train for London and Southampton; "better come right along at 6.52 per Havre special and step aboard the New York all easy and comfortable." Very! and I about two miles from home, with no packing done.
Then it occurred to me that none of these salvation-notions that were whirl-winding through my head could be examined or made available unless at least a month's time could be secured.So I cabled you, and said to myself that I would take the French steamer tomorrow (which will be Sunday).
By bedtime Mrs.Clemens had reasoned me into a fairly rational and contented state of mind; but of course it didn't last long.So I went on thinking--mixing it with a smoke in the dressing room once an hour--until dawn this morning.Result--a sane resolution; no matter what your answer to my cable might be, I would hold still and not sail until I should get an answer to this present letter which I am now writing, or a cable answer from you saying "Come" or "Remain."I have slept 6 hours, my pond has clarified, and I find the sediment of my 70,000 projects to be of this character:
[Several pages of suggestions for reconstructing the machine follow.]
Don't say I'm wild.For really I'm sane again this morning.
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I am going right along with Joan, now, and wait untroubled till I hear from you.If you think I can be of the least use, cable me "Come."I can write Joan on board ship and lose no time.Also I could discuss my plan with the publisher for a deluxe Joan, time being an object, for some of the pictures could be made over here cheaply and quickly, but would cost much time and money in America.
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If the meeting should decide to quit business Jan.4, I'd like to have Stoker stopped from paying in any more money, if Miss Harrison doesn't mind that disagreeable job.And I'll have to write them, too, of course.
With love, S.L.CLEMENS.
The "Stoker" of this letter was Bram Stoker, long associated with Sir Henry Irving.Irving himself had also taken stock in the machine.The address, 169 Rue de l'Universite, whence these letters are written, was the beautiful studio home of the artist Pomroy which they had taken for the winter.
To H.H.Rogers, in New York:
169 RUE DE L'UNIVERSITE, PARIS, Dec.27, '94.
DEAR MR.ROGERS,--Notwithstanding your heart is "old and hard," you make a body choke up.I know you "mean every word you say" and I do take it "in the same spirit in which you tender it." I shall keep your regard while we two live--that I know; for I shall always remember what you have done for me, and that will insure me against ever doing anything that could forfeit it or impair it.I am 59 years old; yet I never had a friend before who put out a hand and tried to pull me ashore when he found me in deep waters.
It is six days or seven days ago that I lived through that despairing day, and then through a night without sleep; then settled down next day into my right mind (or thereabouts,) and wrote you.I put in the rest of that day till 7 P.M.plenty comfortably enough writing a long chapter of my book; then went to a masked ball blacked up as Uncle Remus, taking Clara along; and we had a good time.I have lost no day since and suffered no discomfort to speak of, but drove my troubles out of my mind and had good success in keeping them out--through watchfulness.I have done a good week's work and put the book a good way ahead in the Great Trial, which is the difficult part which requires the most thought and carefulness.I cannot see the end of the Trial yet, but I am on the road.I am creeping surely toward it.
"Why not leave them all to me." My business bothers? I take you by the hand! I jump at the chance!
I ought to be ashamed and I am trying my best to be ashamed--and yet I do jump at the chance in spite of it.I don't want to write Irving and Idon't want to write Stoker.It doesn't seem as if I could.But I can suggest something for you to write them; and then if you see that I am unwise, you can write them something quite different.Now this is my idea:
1.To return Stoker's $100 to him and keep his stock.
2.And tell Irving that when luck turns with me I will make good to him what the salvage from the dead Co.fails to pay him of his $500.
P.S.Madam says No, I must face the music.So I enclose my effort to be used if you approve, but not otherwise.
There! Now if you will alter it to suit your judgment and bang away, Ishall be eternally obliged.
We shall try to find a tenant for our Hartford house; not an easy matter, for it costs heavily to live in.We can never live in it again; though it would break the family's hearts if they could believe it.
Nothing daunts Mrs.Clemens or makes the world look black to her--which is the reason I haven't drowned myself.
We all send our deepest and warmest greetings to you and all of yours and a Happy New Year!
S.L.CLEMENS.
Enclosure:
MY DEAR STOKER,--I am not dating this because it is not to be mailed at present.
When it reaches you it will mean that there is a hitch in my machine-enterprise--a hitch so serious as to make it take to itself the aspect of a dissolved dream.This letter, then, will contain cheque for the $100which you have paid.And will you tell Irving for me--I can't get up courage enough to talk about this misfortune myself, except to you, whom by good luck I haven't damaged yet that when the wreckage presently floats ashore he will get a good deal of his $500 back; and a dab at a time I will make up to him the rest.
I'm not feeling as fine as I was when I saw you there in your home.
Please remember me kindly to Mrs.Stoker.I gave up that London lecture-project entirely.Had to--there's never been a chance since to find the time.
Sincerely yours, S.L.CLEMENS.