She was very pale, and, strangely enough, it at first seemed to Rowland that her beauty was in eclipse.But he very soon perceived that it had only changed its character, and that if it was a trifle less brilliant than usual, it was admirably touching and noble.The clouded light of her eyes, the magnificent gravity of her features, the conscious erectness of her head, might have belonged to a deposed sovereign or a condemned martyr.
"Why have you come here at this time?" she asked.
"Your mother sent for me in pressing terms, and I was very glad to have an opportunity to speak to you.""Have you come to help me, or to persecute me?""I have as little power to do one as I have desire to do the other.I came in great part to ask you a question.
First, your decision is irrevocable?"
Christina's two hands had been hanging clasped in front of her;she separated them and flung them apart by an admirable gesture.
"Would you have done this if you had not seen Miss Garland?"She looked at him with quickened attention; then suddenly, "This is interesting!" she cried."Let us have it out."And she flung herself into a chair and pointed to another.
"You don't answer my question," Rowland said.
"You have no right, that I know of, to ask it.But it 's a very clever one; so clever that it deserves an answer.
Very likely I would not."
"Last night, when I said that to myself, I was extremely angry,"Rowland rejoined.
"Oh, dear, and you are not angry now?"
"I am less angry."
"How very stupid! But you can say something at least.""If I were to say what is uppermost in my mind, I would say that, face to face with you, it is never possible to condemn you.""Perche?"
"You know, yourself! But I can at least say now what I felt last night.
It seemed to me that you had consciously, cruelly dealt a blow at that poor girl.Do you understand?""Wait a moment!" And with her eyes fixed on him, she inclined her head on one side, meditatively.Then a cold, brilliant smile covered her face, and she made a gesture of negation.
"I see your train of reasoning, but it 's quite wrong.
I meant no harm to Miss Garland; I should be extremely sorry to make her suffer.Tell me you believe that."This was said with ineffable candor.Rowland heard himself answering, "I believe it!""And yet, in a sense, your supposition was true,"Christina continued."I conceived, as I told you, a great admiration for Miss Garland, and I frankly confess I was jealous of her.What I envied her was simply her character!
I said to myself, 'She, in my place, would n't marry Casamassima.'
I could not help saying it, and I said it so often that Ifound a kind of inspiration in it.I hated the idea of being worse than she--of doing something that she would n't do.
I might be bad by nature, but I need n't be by volition.
The end of it all was that I found it impossible not to tell the prince that I was his very humble servant, but that Icould not marry him."
"Are you sure it was only of Miss Garland's character that you were jealous, not of--not of"--"Speak out, I beg you.We are talking philosophy!""Not of her affection for her cousin?"
"Sure is a good deal to ask.Still, I think I may say it!
There are two reasons; one, at least, I can tell you:
her affection has not a shadow's weight with Mr.Hudson!
Why then should one fear it?"
"And what is the other reason?"
"Excuse me; that is my own affair."
Rowland was puzzled, baffled, charmed, inspired, almost, all at once.
"I have promised your mother," he presently resumed, "to say something in favor of Prince Casamassima."She shook her head sadly."Prince Casamassima needs nothing that you can say for him.He is a magnificent parti.
I know it perfectly."
"You know also of the extreme affliction of your mother?""Her affliction is demonstrative.She has been abusing me for the last twenty-four hours as if I were the vilest of the vile."To see Christina sit there in the purity of her beauty and say this, might have made one bow one's head with a kind of awe."I have failed of respect to her at other times, but I have not done so now.
Since we are talking philosophy," she pursued with a gentle smile, "I may say it 's a ****** matter! I don't love him.
Or rather, perhaps, since we are talking philosophy, I may say it 's not a ****** matter.I spoke just now of inspiration.
The inspiration has been great, but--I frankly confess it--the choice has been hard.Shall I tell you?" she demanded, with sudden ardor; "will you understand me? It was on the one side the world, the splendid, beautiful, powerful, interesting world.
I know what that is; I have tasted of the cup, I know its sweetness.
Ah, if I chose, if I let myself go, if I flung everything to the winds, the world and I would be famous friends!
I know its merits, and I think, without vanity, it would see mine.
You would see some fine things! I should like to be a princess, and I think I should be a very good one; I would play my part well.
I am fond of luxury, I am fond of a great society, I am fond of being looked at.I am corrupt, corruptible, corruption!
Ah, what a pity that could n't be, too! Mercy of Heaven!"There was a passionate tremor in her voice; she covered her face with her hands and sat motionless.Rowland saw that an intense agitation, hitherto successfully repressed, underlay her calmness, and he could easily believe that her battle had been fierce.
She rose quickly and turned away, walked a few paces, and stopped.
In a moment she was facing him again, with tears in her eyes and a flush in her cheeks."But you need n't think I 'm afraid!"she said."I have chosen, and I shall hold to it.
I have something here, here, here!" and she patted her heart.
"It 's my own.I shan't part with it.Is it what you call an ideal? I don't know; I don't care! It is brighter than the Casamassima diamonds!""You say that certain things are your own affair," Rowland presently rejoined;"but I must nevertheless make an attempt to learn what all this means--what it promises for my friend Hudson.Is there any hope for him?""This is a point I can't discuss with you minutely.
I like him very much."