"What," said he, "is not that part your own as well as the other?"-- [Diogenes Laertius, vi. 89.]-- They used to eat fruit, as we do, after dinner. They wiped their fundaments (let the ladies, if they please, mince it smaller) with a sponge, which is the reason that 'spongia' is a smutty word in Latin; which sponge was fastened to the end of a stick, as appears by the story of him who, as he was led along to be thrown to the wild beasts in the sight of the people, asking leave to do his business, and having no other way to despatch himself, forced the sponge and stick down his throat and choked himself.--[Seneca, Ep., 70.] They used to wipe, after coition, with perfumed wool:
"At tibi nil faciam; sed Iota mentula lana."
They had in the streets of Rome vessels and little tubs for passengers to urine in:
"Pusi saepe lacum propter se, ac dolia curta."
Somno devincti, credunt extollere vestem."
["The little boys in their sleep often think they are near the public urinal, and raise their coats to make use of it."--Lucretius, iv.]
They had collation betwixt meals, and had in summer cellars of snow to cool their wine; and some there were who made use of snow in winter, not thinking their wine cool enough, even at that cold season of the year.
The men of quality had their cupbearers and carvers, and their buffoons to make them sport. They had their meat served up in winter upon chafing dishes, which were set upon the table, and had portable kitchens (of which I myself have seen some) wherein all their service was carried about with them:
"Has vobis epulas habete, lauti Nos offendimur ambulante caena."
["Do you, if you please, esteem these feasts: we do not like the ambulatory suppers."--Martial, vii. 48, 4.]
In summer they had a contrivance to bring fresh and clear rills through their lower rooms, wherein were great store of living fish, which the guests took out with their own hands to be dressed every man according to his own liking. Fish has ever had this pre-eminence, and keeps it still, that the grandees, as to them, all pretend to be cooks; and indeed the taste is more delicate than that of flesh, at least to my fancy. But in all sorts of magnificence, debauchery, and voluptuous inventions of effeminacy and expense, we do, in truth, all we can to parallel them; for our wills are as corrupt as theirs: but we want ability to equal them. Our force is no more able to reach them in their vicious, than in their virtuous, qualities, for both the one and the other proceeded from a vigour of soul which was without comparison greater in them than in us; and souls, by how much the weaker they are, by so much have they less power to do either very well or very ill.
The highest place of honour amongst them was the middle. The name going before, or following after, either in writing or speaking, had no signification of grandeur, as is evident by their writings; they will as soon say Oppius and Caesar, as Caesar and Oppius; and me and thee, as thee and me. This is the reason that made me formerly take notice in the life of Flaminius, in our French Plutarch, of one passage, where it seems as if the author, speaking of the jealousy of honour betwixt the AEtolians and Romans, about the winning of a battle they had with their joined forces obtained, made it of some importance, that in the Greek songs they had put the AEtolians before the Romans: if there be no amphibology in the words of the French translation.
The ladies, in their baths, made no scruple of admitting men amongst them, and moreover made use of their serving-men to rub and anoint them:
"Inguina succinctus nigri tibi servus aluta Stat, quoties calidis nuda foveris aquis."
["A slave--his middle girded with a black apron--stands before you, when, naked, you take a hot bath."--Martial, vii. 35, i.]
They all powdered themselves with a certain powder, to moderate their sweats.
The ancient Gauls, says Sidonius Apollinaris, wore their hair long before and the hinder part of the head shaved, a fashion that begins to revive in this vicious and effeminate age.
The Romans used to pay the watermen their fare at their first stepping into the boat, which we never do till after landing:
"Dum aes exigitur, dum mula ligatur, Tota abit hora."
["Whilst the fare's paying, and the mule is being harnessed, a whole hour's time is past."--Horace, Sat. i. 5, 13.]
The women used to lie on the side of the bed next the wall: and for that reason they called Caesar, "Spondam regis Nicomedis,"
["The bed of King Nicomedes."--Suetonius, Life of Caesar, 49.]
They took breath in their drinking, and watered their wine "Quis puer ocius Restinguet ardentis Falerni Pocula praetereunte lympha?"
["What boy will quickly come and cool the heat of the Falernian wine with clear water?"--Horace, Od., ii. z, 18.]
And the roguish looks and gestures of our lackeys were also in use amongst them:
O Jane, a tergo quern nulls ciconia pinsit, Nec manus, auriculas imitari est mobilis albas, Nec lingua, quantum sitiat canis Appula, tantum."
["O Janus, whom no crooked fingers, simulating a stork, peck at behind your back, whom no quick hands deride behind you, by imitating the motion of the white ears of the ass, against whom no mocking tongue is thrust out, as the tongue of the thirsty Apulian dog."--Persius, i. 58.]
The Argian and Roman ladies mourned in white, as ours did formerly and should do still, were I to govern in this point. But there are whole books on this subject.