For table-talk, I prefer the pleasant and witty before the learned and the grave; in bed, beauty before goodness; in common discourse the ablest speaker, whether or no there be sincerity in the case. And, as he that was found astride upon a hobby-horse, playing with his children, entreated the person who had surprised him in that posture to say nothing of it till himself came to be a father, --[Plutarch, Life of Agesilaus, c. 9.]-- supposing that the fondness that would then possess his own soul, would render him a fairer judge of such an action; so I, also, could wish to speak to such as have had experience of what I say: though, knowing how remote a thing such a friendship is from the common practice, and how rarely it is to be found, I despair of meeting with any such judge. For even these discourses left us by antiquity upon this subject, seem to me flat and poor, in comparison of the sense I have of it, and in this particular, the effects surpass even the precepts of philosophy "Nil ego contulerim jucundo sanus amico."
["While I have sense left to me, there will never be anything more acceptable to me than an agreeable friend."--Horace, Sat., i. 5, 44.]
The ancient Menander declared him to be happy that had had the good fortune to meet with but the shadow of a friend: and doubtless he had good reason to say so, especially if he spoke by experience: for in good earnest, if I compare all the rest of my life, though, thanks be to God, I have passed my time pleasantly enough, and at my ease, and the loss of such a friend excepted, free from any grievous affliction, and in great tranquillity of mind, having been contented with my natural and original commodities, without being solicitous after others; if I should compare it all, I say, with the four years I had the happiness to enjoy the sweet society of this excellent man, 'tis nothing but smoke, an obscure and tedious night. From the day that I lost him:
"Quern semper acerbum, Semper honoratum (sic, di, voluistis) habebo,"
["A day for me ever sad, for ever sacred, so have you willed ye gods."--AEneid, v. 49.]
I have only led a languishing life; and the very pleasures that present themselves to me, instead of administering anything of consolation, double my affliction for his loss. We were halves throughout, and to that degree, that methinks, by outliving him, I defraud him of his part.
"Nec fas esse ulla me voluptate hic frui Decrevi, tantisper dum ille abest meus particeps."
["I have determined that it will never be right for me to enjoy any pleasure, so long as he, with whom I shared all pleasures is away."--"Terence, Heaut., i. I. 97.]
I was so grown and accustomed to be always his double in all places and in all things, that methinks I am no more than half of myself:
"Illam meae si partem anima tulit Maturior vis, quid moror altera?
Nec carus aeque, nec superstes Integer? Ille dies utramque Duxit ruinam."
["If that half of my soul were snatch away from me by an untimely stroke, why should the other stay? That which remains will not be equally dear, will not be whole: the same day will involve the destruction of both." or:
["If a superior force has taken that part of my soul, why do I, the remaining one, linger behind? What is left is not so dear, nor an entire thing: this day has wrought the destruction of both."--Horace, Ode, ii. 17, 5.]