Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little heed of her share in the separation. Of her quiet monotonous endurance, and her slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing jarring and discordant even in his tone of courage, with this one note `self' for ever audible, however high the strain? Not in her ears. It had been better otherwise, perhaps, but so it was. She heard the same bold spirit which had flung away as dross all gain and profit for her sake, ****** light of peril and privation that she might be calm and happy; and she heard no more. That heart where self has found no place and raised no throne, is slow to recognise its ugly presence when it looks upon it. As one possessed of an evil spirit was held in old time to be alone conscious of the lurking demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred vices know each other in their hiding-places every day, when Virtue is incredulous and blind.
`The quarter's gone!' cried Mr. Tapley, in a voice of admonition.
`I shall be ready to return immediately,' she said. `One thing, dear Martin, I am bound to tell you. You entreated me a few minutes since only to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, but you should and must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that since that separation of which I was the unhappy occasion, he has never once uttered your name; has never coupled it, or any faint allusion to it, with passion or reproach; and has never abated in his kindness to me.'
`I thank him for that last act,' said Martin, `and for nothing else.
Though on consideration I may thank him for his other forbearance also, inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention my name again.
He may once, perhaps -- to couple it with reproach -- in his will. Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me, he will be in his grave: a satire on his own anger, God help him!'
`Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the winter fire; in the summer air; when you hear gentle music, or think of Death, or Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season resolve to think, but once a month, or even once a year, of him, or any one who ever wronged you, you would forgive him in your heart, I know!'
`If I believed that to be true, Mary,' he replied, `I would resolve at no such time to bear him in my mind: wishing to spare myself the shame of such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet of any man, far less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return for any good he did me, my whole youth was sacrificed. It became between us two a fair exchange, a barter, and no more: and there is no such balance against me that I need throw in a mawkish forgiveness to poise the scale. He has forbidden all mention of me to you, I know,' he added hastily. `Come! Has he not?'
`That was long ago,' she returned; `immediately after your parting; before you had left the house. He has never done so since.'
`He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,' said Martin.
`but that is of little consequence, one way or other. Let all allusion to him between you and me be interdicted from this time forth. And therefore, love:' he drew her quickly to him, for the time of parting had now come:
`in the first letter that you write to me through the Post Office, addressed to New York; and in all the others that you send through Pinch; remember he has no existence, but has become to us as one who is dead. Now, God bless you! This is a strange place for such a meeting and such a parting; but our next meeting shall be in a better, and our next and last parting in a worse.'
`One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money for this journey?'
`Have I?' cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might have been in his desire to set her mind at ease: `Have I provided money? Why, there's a question for an emigrant's wife! How could I move on land or sea without it, love?'