It belonged to no particular age, people, or country, and was perhaps the more delightful on that account, as nobody's previous information could afford the remotest glimmering of what would ever come of it. An outlaw had been very successful in doing something somewhere, and came home, in triumph, to the sound of shouts and fiddles, to greet his wife--a lady of masculine mind, who talked a good deal about her father's bones, which it seemed were unburied, though whether from a peculiar taste on the part of the old gentleman himself, or the reprehensible neglect of his relations, did not appear. This outlaw's wife was, somehow or other, mixed up with a patriarch, living in a castle a long way off, and this patriarch was the father of several of the characters, but he didn't exactly know which, and was uncertain whether he had brought up the right ones in his castle, or the wrong ones; he rather inclined to the latter opinion, and, being uneasy, relieved his mind with a banquet, during which solemnity somebody in a clock said `Beware!' which somebody was known by nobody (except the audience) to be the outlaw himself, who had come there, for reasons unexplained, but possibly with an eye to the spoons. There was an agreeable little surprise in the way of certain love passages between the desponding captive and Miss Snevellicci, and the comic fighting-man and Miss Bravassa; besides which, Mr Lenville had several very tragic scenes in the dark, while on throat-cutting expeditions, which were all baffled by the skill and bravery of the comic fighting-man (who overheard whatever was said all through the piece) and the intrepidity of Miss Snevellicci, who adopted tights, and therein repaired to the prison of her captive lover, with a small basket of refreshments and a dark lantern. At last, it came out that the patriarch was the man who had treated the bones of the outlaw's father-in-law with so much disrespect, for which cause and reason the outlaw's wife repaired to his castle to kill him, and so got into a dark room, where, after a good deal of groping in the dark, everybody got hold of everybody else, and took them for somebody besides, which occasioned a vast quantity of confusion, with some pistolling, loss of life, and torchlight; after which, the patriarch came forward, and observing, with a knowing look, that he knew all about his children now, and would tell them when they got inside, said that there could not be a more appropriate occasion for marrying the young people than that; and therefore he joined their hands, with the full consent of the indefatigable page, who (being the only other person surviving)pointed with his cap into the clouds, and his right hand to the ground;thereby invoking a blessing and giving the cue for the curtain to come down, which it did, amidst general applause.
`What did you think of that?' asked Mr Crummles, when Nicholas went round to the stage again. Mr Crummles was very red and hot, for your outlaws are desperate fellows to shout.
`I think it was very capital indeed,' replied Nicholas; `Miss Snevellicci in particular was uncommonly good.'
`She's genius,' said Mr Crummles; `quite a genius, that girl. By-the-bye, I've been thinking of bringing out that piece of yours on her bespeak night.'
`When?' asked Nicholas.
`The night of her bespeak. Her benefit night, when her friends and patrons bespeak the play,' said Mr Crummles.
`Oh! I understand,' replied Nicholas.
`You see,' said Mr. Crummles, `it's sure to go, on such an occasion, and even if it should not work up quite as well as we expect, why it will be her risk, you know, and not ours.'
`Yours, you mean,' said Nicholas.
`I said mine, didn't I?' returned Mr Crummles. `Next Monday week. What do you say? You'll have done it, and are sure to be up in the lover's part, long before that time.'
`I don't know about "long before,"' replied Nicholas; `but by that time I think I can undertake to be ready.'
`Very good,' pursued Mr Crummles, `then we'll call that settled. Now, I want to ask you something else. There's a little--what shall I call it?--a little canvassing takes place on these occasions.'
`Among the patrons, I suppose?' said Nicholas.
`Among the patrons; and the fact is, that Snevellicci has had so many bespeaks in this place, that she wants an attraction. She had a bespeak when her mother-in-law died, and a bespeak when her uncle died; and Mrs Crummles and myself have had bespeaks on the anniversary of the phenomenon's birthday, and our wedding-day, and occasions of that description, so that, in fact, there's some difficulty in getting a good one. Now, won't you help this poor girl, Mr Johnson?' said Crummles, sitting himself down on a drum, and taking a great pinch of snuff, as he looked him steadily in the face.
`How do you mean?' rejoined Nicholas.
`Don't you think you could spare half an hour tomorrow morning, to call with her at the houses of one or two of the principal people?' murmured the manager in a persuasive tone.
`Oh dear me,' said Nicholas, with an air of very strong objection, `Ishouldn't like to do that.'
`The infant will accompany her,' said Mr Crummles. `The moment it was suggested to me, I gave permission for the infant to go. There will not be the smallest impropriety--Miss Snevellicci, sir, is the very soul of honour. It would be of material service--the gentleman from London--author of the new piece--actor in the new piece--first appearance on any boards--it would lead to a great bespeak, Mr Johnson.'
`I am very sorry to throw a damp upon the prospects of anybody, and more especially a lady,' replied Nicholas; `but really I must decidedly object to ****** one of the canvassing party.'
`What does Mr Johnson say, Vincent?' inquired a voice close to his ear;and, looking round, he found Mrs Crummles and Miss Snevellicci herself standing behind him.
`He has some objection, my dear,' replied Mr Crummles, looking at Nicholas.
`Objection!' exclaimed Mrs Crummles. `Can it be possible?'