A CURIOUS PLEASURE EXCURSION
--[Published at the time of the "Comet Scare" in the summer of 1874]
[We have received the following advertisement, but, inasmuch as it concerns a matter of deep and general interest, we feel fully justified in inserting it in our reading-columns.We are confident that our conduct in this regard needs only explanation, not apology.--Ed., N.Y.
Herald.]
ADVERTISEMENT
This is to inform the public that in connection with Mr.Barnum I have leased the comet for a term, of years; and I desire also to solicit the public patronage in favor of a beneficial enterprise which we have in view.
We propose to fit up comfortable, and even luxurious, accommodations in the comet for as many persons as will honor us with their patronage, and make an extended excursion among the heavenly bodies.We shall prepare 1,000,000 state-rooms in the tail of the comet (with hot and cold water, gas, looking-glass, parachute, umbrella, etc., in each), and shall construct more if we meet with a sufficiently generous encouragement.
We shall have billiard-rooms, card-rooms, music-rooms, bowling-alleys and many spacious theaters and free libraries; and on the main deck we propose to have a driving park, with upward of 100,000 miles of roadway in it.We shall publish daily newspapers also.
DEPARTURE OF THE COMET
The comet will leave New York at 10 P.M.on the 20th inst., and therefore it will be desirable that the passengers be on board by eight at the latest, to avoid confusion in getting under way.It is not known whether passports will be necessary or not, but it is deemed best that passengers provide them, and so guard against all contingencies.No dogs will be allowed on board.This rule has been made in deference to the existing state of feeling regarding these animals, and will be strictly adhered to.The safety of the passengers will in all ways be jealously looked to.A substantial iron railing will be put up all around the comet, and no one will be allowed to go to the edge and look over unless accompanied by either my partner or myself.
THE POSTAL SERVICE
will be of the completest character.Of course the telegraph, and the telegraph only, will be employed; consequently friends occupying state-rooms 20,000,000 and even 30,000,000 miles apart will be able to send a message and receive a reply inside of eleven days.Night messages will be half-rate.The whole of this vast postal system will be under the personal superintendence of Mr.Hale of Maine.Meals served at all hours.Meals served in staterooms charged extra.
Hostility is not apprehended from any great planet, but we have thought it best to err on the safe side, and therefore have provided a proper number of mortars, siege-guns, and boarding-pikes.History shows that small, isolated communities, such as the people of remote islands, are prone to be hostile to strangers, and so the same may be the case with THE INHABITANTS OF STARSof the tenth or twentieth magnitude.We shall in no case wantonly offend the people of any star, but shall treat all alike with urbanity and kindliness, never conducting ourselves toward an asteroid after a fashion which we could not venture to assume toward Jupiter or Saturn.I repeat that we shall not wantonly offend any star; but at the same time we shall promptly resent any injury that may be done us, or any insolence offered us, by parties or governments residing in any star in the firmament.
Although averse to the shedding of blood, we shall still hold this course rigidly and fearlessly, not only toward single stars, but toward constellations.We shall hope to leave a good impression of America behind us in every nation we visit, from Venus to Uranus.And, at all events, if we cannot inspire love we shall at least compel respect for our country wherever we go.We shall take with us, free of charge, A GREAT FORCE OF MISSIONARIES, and shed the true light upon all the celestial orbs which, physically aglow, are yet morally in darkness.Sunday-schools will be established wherever practicable.Compulsory education will also be introduced.
The comet will visit Mars first, and proceed to Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, and Saturn.Parties connected with the government of the District of Columbia and with the former city government of New York, who may desire to inspect the rings, will be allowed time and every facility.Every star of prominent magnitude will be visited, and time allowed for excursions to points of interest inland.
THE DOG STAR