"Do not interrupt me, please.After breakfast we elected a man by the name of Walker, from Detroit, for supper.He was very good.I wrote his wife so afterward.He was worthy of all praise.I shall always remember Walker.He was a little rare, but very good.And then the next morning we had Morgan of Alabama for breakfast.He was one of the finest men Iever sat down to handsome, educated, refined, spoke several languages fluently a perfect gentleman he was a perfect gentleman, and singularly juicy.For supper we had that Oregon patriarch, and he was a fraud, there is no question about it--old, scraggy, tough, nobody can picture the reality.I finally said, gentlemen, you can do as you like, but Iwill wait for another election.And Grimes of Illinois said, 'Gentlemen, I will wait also.When you elect a man that has something to recommend him, I shall be glad to join you again.' It soon became evident that there was general dissatisfaction with Davis of Oregon, and so, to preserve the good will that had prevailed so pleasantly since we had had Harris, an election was called, and the result of it was that Baker of Georgia was chosen.He was splendid! Well, well--after that we had Doolittle, and Hawkins, and McElroy (there was some complaint about McElroy, because he was uncommonly short and thin), and Penrod, and two Smiths, and Bailey (Bailey had a wooden leg, which was clear loss, but he was otherwise good), and an Indian boy, and an organ-grinder, and a gentleman by the name of Buckminster--a poor stick of a vagabond that wasn't any good for company and no account for breakfast.We were glad we got him elected before relief came.""And so the blessed relief did come at last?""Yes, it came one bright, sunny morning, just after election.John Murphy was the choice, and there never was a better, I am willing to testify; but John Murphy came home with us, in the train that came to succor us, and lived to marry the widow Harris--""Relict of--"
"Relict of our first choice.He married her, and is happy and respected and prosperous yet.Ah, it was like a novel, sir--it was like a romance.
This is my stopping-place, sir; I must bid you goodby.Any time that you can make it convenient to tarry a day or two with me, I shall be glad to have you.I like you, sir; I have conceived an affection for you.
I could like you as well as I liked Harris himself, sir.Good day, sir, and a pleasant journey."He was gone.I never felt so stunned, so distressed, so bewildered in my life.But in my soul I was glad he was gone.With all his gentleness of manner and his soft voice, I shuddered whenever he turned his hungry eye upon me; and when I heard that I had achieved his perilous affection, and that I stood almost with the late Harris in his esteem, my heart fairly stood still!
I was bewildered beyond description.I did not doubt his word; I could not question a single item in a statement so stamped with the earnestness of truth as his; but its dreadful details overpowered me, and threw my thoughts into hopeless confusion.I saw the conductor looking at me.
I said, "Who is that man?"
"He was a member of Congress once, and a good one.But he got caught in a snow-drift in the cars, and like to have been starved to death.He got so frost-bitten and frozen up generally, and used up for want of something to eat, that he was sick and out of his head two or three months afterward.He is all right now, only he is a monomaniac, and when he gets on that old subject he never stops till he has eat up that whole car-load of people he talks about.He would have finished the crowd by this time, only he had to get out here.He has got their names as pat as A B C.When he gets them all eat up but himself, he always says: 'Then the hour for the usual election for breakfast having arrived; and there being no opposition, I was duly elected, after which, there being no objections offered, I resigned.Thus I am here.'"I felt inexpressibly relieved to know that I had only been listening to the harmless vagaries of a madman instead of the genuine experiences of a bloodthirsty cannibal.