Advice on how to secure the reverse of success should not be given to young authors alone.Their kinsfolk and friends,also,can do much for their aid.A lady who feels a taste for writing is very seldom allowed to have a quiet room,a quiet study.If she retreats to her chill and fireless bed chamber,even there she may be chevied by her brothers,sisters,and mother.It is noticed that cousins,and aunts,especially aunts,are of high service in this regard.They never give an intelligent woman an hour to herself.
"Is Miss Mary in?"
"Yes,ma'am,but she is very busy."
"Oh,she won't mind me,I don't mean to stay long."Then in rushes the aunt.
"Over your books again:my dear!You really should not overwork yourself.Writing something";here the aunt clutches the manu,and looks at it vaguely.
"Well,I dare say it's very clever,but I don't care for this kind of thing myself.Where's your mother?Is Jane better?Now,do tell me,do you get much for writing all that?Do you send it to the printers,or where?How interesting,and that reminds me,you that are a novelist,have you heard how shamefully Miss Baxter was treated by Captain Smith?No,well you might make something out of it."Here follows the anecdote,at prodigious length,and perfectly incoherent.
"Now,write THAT,and I shall always say I was partly the author.
You really should give me a commission,you know.Well,good bye,tell your mother I called.Why,there she is,I declare.Oh,Susan,just come and hear the delightful plot for a novel that I have been giving Mary."And then she begins again,only further back,this time.
It is thus that the aunts of England may and do assist their nieces to fail in literature.Many and many a morning do they waste,many a promising fancy have they blighted,many a temper have they spoiled.
Sisters are rather more sympathetic:the favourite plan of the brother is to say,"Now,Mary,read us your new chapter."Mary reads it,and the critic exclaims,"Well,of all the awful Rot!
Now,why can't you do something like Bootles's Baby?"Fathers never take any interest in the business at all:they do not count.The sympathy of a mother may be reckoned on,but not her judgement,for she is either wildly favourable,or,mistrusting her own tendencies,is more diffident than need be.The most that relations can do for the end before us is to worry,interrupt,deride,and tease the literary member of the family.They seldom fail in these duties,and not even success,as a rule,can persuade them that there is anything in it but "luck."Perhaps reviewing is not exactly a form of literature.But it has this merit that people who review badly,not only fail themselves,but help others to fail,by giving a bad idea of their works.You will,of course,never read the books you review,and you will be exhaustively ignorant of the subjects which they treat.But you can always find fault with the TITLE of the story which comes into your hands,a stupid reviewer never fails to do this.You can also copy out as much of the preface as will fill your eighth of a column,and add,that the performance is not equal to the promise.You must never feel nor shew the faintest interest in the work reviewed,that would be fatal.Never praise heartily,that is the sign of an intelligence not mediocre.Be vague,colourless,and languid,this deters readers from approaching the book.If you have glanced at it,blame it for not being what it never professed to be;if it is a treatise on Greek Prosody,censure the lack of humour;if it is a volume of gay verses,lament the author's indifference to the sorrows of the poor or the wrongs of the Armenians.If it has humour,deplore its lack of thoughtfulness;if it is grave,carp at its lack of gaiety.I have known a reviewer of half a dozen novels denounce half a dozen KINDS of novels in the course of his two columns;the romance of adventure,the domestic tale,the psychological analysis,the theological story,the detective's story,the story of "Society,"he blamed them all in general,and the books before him in particular,also the historical novel.This can easily be done,by dint of practice,after dipping into three or four pages of your author.Many reviewers have special aversions,authors they detest.
Whatever they are criticising,novels,poems,plays,they begin by an attack on their pet aversion,who has nothing to do with the matter in hand.They cannot praise A,B,C,and D,without first assailing E.It will generally be found that E is a popular author.But the great virtue of a reviewer,who would be unreadable and make others unread,is a languid ignorant lack of interest in all things,a habit of regarding his work as a tedious task,to be scamped as rapidly and stupidly as possible.
You might think that these qualities would displease the reviewer's editor.Not at all,look at any column of short notices,and you will occasionally find that the critic has anticipated my advice.
There is no topic in which the men who write about it are so little interested as contemporary literature.Perhaps this is no matter to marvel at.By the way,a capital plan is not to write your review till the book has been out for two years.This is the favourite dodge of the -,that distinguished journal.