书城公版LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI
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第53章 Brown and I Exchange Compliments(2)

But I was not afraid of him now;so,instead of going,I tarried,and criticized his grammar;I reformed his ferocious speeches for him,and put them into good English,calling his attention to the advantage of pure English over the bastard dialect of the Pennsylvanian collieries whence he was extracted.He could have done his part to admiration in a cross-fire of mere vituperation,of course;but he was not equipped for this species of controversy;so he presently laid aside his glass and took the wheel,muttering and shaking his head;and I retired to the bench.

The racket had brought everybody to the hurricane deck,and I trembled when I saw the old captain looking up from the midst of the crowd.

I said to myself,'Now I AM done for!'--For although,as a rule,he was so fatherly and indulgent toward the boat's family,and so patient of minor shortcomings,he could be stern enough when the fault was worth it.

I tried to imagine what he WOULD do to a cub pilot who had been guilty of such a crime as mine,committed on a boat guard-deep with costly freight and alive with passengers.Our watch was nearly ended.I thought I would go and hide somewhere till I got a chance to slide ashore.So I slipped out of the pilot-house,and down the steps,and around to the texas door--and was in the act of gliding within,when the captain confronted me!

I dropped my head,and he stood over me in silence a moment or two,then said impressively--'Follow me.'

I dropped into his wake;he led the way to his parlor in the forward end of the texas.We were alone,now.He closed the after door;then moved slowly to the forward one and closed that.He sat down;I stood before him.He looked at me some little time,then said--'So you have been fighting,Mr.Brown?'

I answered meekly--

'Yes,sir.'

'Do you know that that is a very serious matter?'

'Yes,sir.'

'Are you aware that this boat was plowing down the river fully five minutes with no one at the wheel?'

'Yes,sir.'

'Did you strike him first?'

'Yes,sir.'

'What with?'

'A stool,sir.'

'Hard?'

'Middling,sir.'

'Did it knock him down?'

'He--he fell,sir.'

'Did you follow it up?Did you do anything further?'

'Yes,sir.'

'What did you do?'

'Pounded him,sir.'

'Pounded him?'

'Yes,sir.'

'Did you pound him much?--that is,severely?'

'One might call it that,sir,maybe.'

'I'm deuced glad of it!Hark ye,never mention that I said that.

You have been guilty of a great crime;and don't you ever be guilty of it again,on this boat.BUT--lay for him ashore!

Give him a good sound thrashing,do you hear?I'll pay the expenses.

Now go--and mind you,not a word of this to anybody.Clear out with you!--you've been guilty of a great crime,you whelp!'

I slid out,happy with the sense of a close shave and a mighty deliverance;and I heard him laughing to himself and slapping his fat thighs after I had closed his door.

When Brown came off watch he went straight to the captain,who was talking with some passengers on the boiler deck,and demanded that I be put ashore in New Orleans--and added--'I'll never turn a wheel on this boat again while that cub stays.'

The captain said--

'But he needn't come round when you are on watch,Mr.Brown.

'I won't even stay on the same boat with him.One of us has got to go ashore.'

'Very well,'said the captain,'let it be yourself;'

and resumed his talk with the passengers.

During the brief remainder of the trip,I knew how an emancipated slave feels;for I was an emancipated slave myself.While we lay at landings,I listened to George Ealer's flute;or to his readings from his two bibles,that is to say,Goldsmith and Shakespeare;or I played chess with him--and would have beaten him sometimes,only he always took back his last move and ran the game out differently.