(I had approached it without knowing it.)
I moved back a step or two,and stood as in a dream,all my senses stupefied by this frantic assault.
'What you standing there for?Take that ice-pitcher down to the texas-tender-come,move along,and don't you be all day about it!'
The moment I got back to the pilot-house,Brown said--'Here!What was you doing down there all this time?'
'I couldn't find the texas-tender;I had to go all the way to the pantry.'
'Derned likely story!Fill up the stove.'
I proceeded to do so.He watched me like a cat.
Presently he shouted--
'Put down that shovel?Deadest numskull I ever saw--ain't even got sense enough to load up a stove.
All through the watch this sort of thing went on.Yes,and the subsequent watches were much like it,during a stretch of months.
As I have said,I soon got the habit of coming on duty with dread.
The moment I was in the presence,even in the darkest night,I could feel those yellow eyes upon me,and knew their owner was watching for a pretext to spit out some venom on me.
Preliminarily he would say-
'Here!Take the wheel.'
Two minutes later--
'WHERE in the nation you going to?Pull her down!pull her down!'
After another moment--
'Say!You going to hold her all day?Let her go--meet her!meet her!'
Then he would jump from the bench,snatch the wheel from me,and meet her himself,pouring out wrath upon me all the time.
George Ritchie was the other pilot's cub.He was having good times now;for his boss,George Ealer,was as kindhearted as Brown wasn't.Ritchie had steeled for Brown the season before;consequently he knew exactly how to entertain himself and plague me,all by the one operation.Whenever I took the wheel for a moment on Ealer's watch,Ritchie would sit back on the bench and play Brown,with continual ejaculations of 'Snatch her!snatch her!
Derndest mud-cat I ever saw!''Here!Where you going NOW?
Going to run over that snag?''Pull her DOWN !Don't you hear me?
Pull her DOWN!''There she goes!JUST as I expected!
I TOLD you not to cramp that reef G'way from the wheel!'
So I always had a rough time of it,no matter whose watch it was;and sometimes it seemed to me that Ritchie's good-natured badgering was pretty nearly as aggravating as Brown's dead-earnest nagging.
I often wanted to kill Brown,but this would not answer.
A cub had to take everything his boss gave,in the way of vigorous comment and criticism;and we all believed that there was a United States law ****** it a penitentiary offense to strike or threaten a pilot who was on duty.However,I could IMAGINE myself killing Brown;there was no law against that;and that was the thing I used always to do the moment I was abed.
Instead of going over my river in my mind as was my duty,I threw business aside for pleasure,and killed Brown.
I killed Brown every night for months;not in old,stale,commonplace ways,but in new and picturesque ones;--ways that were sometimes surprising for freshness of design and ghastliness of situation and environment.
Brown was ALWAYS watching for a pretext to find fault;and if he could find no plausible pretext,he would invent one.
He would scold you for shaving a shore,and for not shaving it;for hugging a bar,and for not hugging it;for 'pulling down'when not invited,and for not pulling down when not invited;for firing up without orders,and for waiting FOR orders.In a word,it was his invariable rule to find fault with EVERYTHING you did;and another invariable rule of his was to throw all his remarks (to you)into the form of an insult.
One day we were approaching New Madrid,bound down and heavily laden.
Brown was at one side of the wheel,steering;I was at the other,standing by to 'pull down'or 'shove up.'He cast a furtive glance at me every now and then.I had long ago learned what that meant;viz.,he was trying to invent a trap for me.I wondered what shape it was going to take.
By and by he stepped back from the wheel and said in his usual snarly way--'Here!--See if you've got gumption enough to round her to.'
This was simply BOUND to be a success;nothing could prevent it;for he had never allowed me to round the boat to before;consequently,no matter how I might do the thing,he could find free fault with it.He stood back there with his greedy eye on me,and the result was what might have been foreseen:
I lost my head in a quarter of a minute,and didn't know what Iwas about;I started too early to bring the boat around,but detected a green gleam of joy in Brown's eye,and corrected my mistake;I started around once more while too high up,but corrected myself again in time;I made other false moves,and still managed to save myself;but at last I grew so confused and anxious that I tumbled into the very worst blunder of all--I got too far down before beginning to fetch the boat around.
Brown's chance was come.
His face turned red with passion;he made one bound,hurled me across the house with a sweep of his arm,spun the wheel down,and began to pour out a stream of vituperation upon me which lasted till he was out of breath.
In the course of this speech he called me all the different kinds of hard names he could think of,and once or twice Ithought he was even going to swear--but he didn't this time.
'Dod dern'was the nearest he ventured to the luxury of swearing,for he had been brought up with a wholesome respect for future fire and brimstone.
That was an uncomfortable hour;for there was a big audience on the hurricane deck.When I went to bed that night,I killed Brown in seventeen different ways-all of them new.