C ONSIDERATION for poor Lady Verinder forbade me even to hint that I had guessed the melancholy truth, before she opened her lips.I waited her pleasure in silence; and, having privately arranged to say a few sustaining words at the first convenient opportunity,felt prepared for any duty that could claim me, no matter how painful it might be.
`I have been seriously ill, Drusilla, for some time past,' my aunt began.
`And, strange to say, without knowing it myself.'
I thought of the thousands and thousands of perishing human creatures who were all at that moment spiritually ill, without knowing it themselves.
And I greatly feared that my poor aunt might be one of the number.`Yes, dear,' I said, sadly.`Yes.'
`I brought Rachel to London, as you know, for medical advice,' she went on.`I thought it right to consult two doctors.'
Two doctors! And, oh me (in Rachel's state), not one clergyman! `Yes, dear?' I said once more.`Yes?'
`One of the two medical men,' proceeded my aunt, `was a stranger to me.The other had been an old friend of my husband's, and had always felt a sincere interest in me for my husband's sake.After prescribing for Rachel, he said he wished to speak to me privately in another room.I expected, of course, to receive some special directions for the management of my daughter's health.To my surprise, he took me gravely by the hand, and said, "I have been looking at you, Lady Verinder, with a professional as well as a personal interest.You are, I am afraid, far more urgently in need of medical advice than your daughter." He put some questions to me, which I was at first inclined to treat lightly enough, until I observed that my answers distressed him.It ended in his ****** an appointment to come and see me, accompanied by a medical friend, on the next day, at an hour when Rachel would not be at home.The result of that visit--most kindly and gently conveyed to me--satisfied both the physicians that there had been precious time lost, which could never be regained, and that my case had now passed beyond the reach of their art.For more than two years Ihave been suffering under an insidious form of heart disease, which, without any symptoms to alarm me, has, by little and little, fatally broken me down.I may live for some months, or I may die before another day has passed over my head--the doctors cannot, and dare not, speak more positively than this.It would be vain to say, my dear, that I have not had some miserable moments since my real situation has been made known to me.But I am more resigned than I was, and I am doing my best to set my worldly affairs in order.My one great anxiety is that Rachel should be kept in ignorance of the truth.If she knew it, she would at once attribute my broken health to anxiety about the Diamond, and would reproach herself bitterly, poor child, for what is in no sense her fault.Both the doctors agree that the mischief began two, if not three years since.I am sure you will keep my secret, Drusilla--for I am sure I see sincere sorrow and sympathy for me in your face.'
Sorrow and sympathy! Oh, what Pagan emotions to expect from a Christian Englishwoman anchored firmly on her faith!
Little did my poor aunt imagine what a gush of devout thankfulness thrilled through me as she approached the close of her melancholy story.Here was a career of usefulness opened before me! Here was a beloved relative and perishing fellow-creature, on the eve of the great change, utterly unprepared;and led, providentially led, to reveal her situation to Me! How can I describe the joy with which I now remembered that the precious clerical friends on whom I could rely, were to be counted, not by ones or twos, but by tens and twenties! I took my aunt in my arms--my overflowing tenderness was not to be satisfied, now , with anything less than an embrace.`Oh!'
I said to her, fervently, `the indescribable interest with which you inspire me! Oh! the good I mean to do you, dear, before we part!' After another word or two of earnest prefatory warning, I gave her her choice of three precious friends, all plying the work of mercy from morning to night in her own neighbourhood; all equally inexhaustible in exhortation; all affectionately ready to exercise their gifts at a word from me.Alas! the result was far from encouraging.Poor Lady Verinder looked puzzled and frightened, and met everything I could say to her with the purely wordly objection that she was not strong enough to face strangers.I yielded--for the moment only, of course.My large experience (as Reader and Visitor, under not less, first and last, than fourteen beloved clerical friends) informed me that this was another case for preparation by books.I possessed a little library of works, all suitable to the present emergency, all calculated to arouse, convince, prepare, enlighten, and fortify my aunt.`You will read, dear, won't you?' I said, in my most winning way.`You will read, if I bring you my own precious books? Turned down at all the right places, aunt.And marked in pencil where you are to stop and ask yourself, "Does this apply to me?"' Even that ****** appeal--so absolutely heathenizing is the influence of the world--appeared to startle my aunt.She said, `Iwill do what I can, Drusilla, to please you,' with a look of surprise, which was at once instructive and terrible to see.Not a moment was to be lost.The clock on the mantelpiece informed me that I had just time to hurry home; to provide myself with a first series of selected readings (say a dozen only); and to return in time to meet the lawyer, and witness Lady Verinder's Will.Promising faithfully to be back by five o'clock, I left the house on my errand of mercy.
When no interests but my own are involved, I am humbly content to get from place to place by the omnibus.Permit me to give an idea of my devotion to my aunt's interests by recording that, on this occasion, I committed the prodigality of taking a cab.