Rachel shall be asked to spend the day here; and you shall receive due notice of it.'
`When? To-morrow?'
`To-morrow won't give us time enough to get her answer.Say the day after.'
`How shall I hear from you?'
`Stay at home all the morning and expect me to call on you.'
I thanked him for the inestimable assistance which he was rendering to me, with the gratitude that I really felt; and, declining a hospitable invitation to sleep that night at Hampstead, returned to my lodgings in London.
Of the day that followed, I have only to say that it was the longest day of my life.Innocent as I knew myself to be, certain as I was that the abominable imputation which rested on me must sooner or later be cleared off, there was nevertheless a sense of self-abasement in my mind which instinctively disinclined me to see any of my friends.We often hear (almost invariably, however, from superficial observers) that guilt can look like innocence.I believe it to be infinitely the truer axiom of the two that innocence can look like guilt.I caused myself to be denied all day, to every visitor who called; and I only ventured out under cover of the night.
The next morning, Mr.Bruff surprised me at the breakfast-table.He handed me a large key, and announced that he felt ashamed of himself for the first time in his life.
`Is she coming?'
`She is coming to-day, to lunch and spend the afternoon with my wife and my girls.'
`Are Mrs.Bruff, and your daughters, in the secret?'
`Inevitably.But women, as you may have observed, have no principles.
My family don't feel my pangs of conscience.The end being to bring you and Rachel together again, my wife and daughters pass over the means employed to gain it, as composedly as if they were Jesuits.'
`I am infinitely obliged to them.What is this key?'
`The key of the gate in my back-garden wall.Be there at three this afternoon.Let yourself into the garden, and make your way in by the conservatory door.Cross the small drawing-room, and open the door in front of you which leads into the music-room.There, you will find Rachel--and find her alone.'
`How can I thank you!'
`I will tell you how.Don't blame me for what happens afterwards.'
With those words, he went out.
I had many weary hours still to wait through.To while away the time, I looked at my letters.Among them was a letter from Betteredge.
I opened it eagerly.To my surprise and disappointment, it began with an apology warning me to expect no news of any importance.In the next sentence the everlasting Ezra Jennings appeared again! He had stopped Betteredge on the way out of the station, and had asked who I was.Informed on this point, he had mentioned having seen me to his master Mr.Candy.Mr.Candy hearing of this, had himself driven over to Betteredge, to express his regret at our having missed each other.He had a reason for wishing particularly to speak to me; and when I was next in the neighbourhood of Frizinghall, he begged I would let him know.Apart from a few characteristic utterances of the Betteredge philosophy, this was the sum and substance of my correspondent's letter.The warm-hearted, faithful old man acknowledged that he had written `mainly for the pleasure of writing to me.'
I crumpled up the letter in my pocket, and forgot it the moment after, in the all-absorbing interest of my coming interview with Rachel.
As the clock of Hampstead church struck three, I put Mr.Bruff's key into the lock of the door in the wall.When I first stepped into the garden, and while I was securing the door again on the inner side, I own to having felt a certain guilty doubtfulness about what might happen next.I looked furtively on either side of me, suspicious of the presence of some unexpected witness in some unknown corner of the garden.Nothing appeared to justify my apprehensions.The walks were, one and all, solitudes; and the birds and the bees were the only witnesses.
I passed through the garden; entered the conservatory; and crossed the small drawing-room.As I laid my hand on the door opposite, I heard a few plaintive chords struck on the piano in the room within.She had often idled over the instrument in this way, when I was staying at her mother's house.I was obliged to wait a little, to steady myself.The past and present rose side by side, at that supreme moment--and the contrast shook me.
After the lapse of a minute, I roused my manhood, and opened the door.