'I'm afraid I'm not as much struck by the wonder of the thing as you are, Molly.Besides, it is not news to me; at least, not entirely.I heard about the meeting before I left London; it was a good deal talked about in my uncle's set; to be sure I did not hear all the fine things they say of him there - but then, you know, that's a mere fashion of speaking, which means nothing; somebody is bound to pay compliments when a lord takes the trouble to read one of his letters aloud.'
'Nonsense,' said Molly.'You know you don't believe what you are saying, Cynthia.'
Cynthia gave that pretty little jerk of her shoulders, which was her equivalent for a French shrug, but did not lift up her head from her sewing.
Molly began to read the report over again.
'Why, Cynthia!' she said, 'you might have been there; ladies were there.
It says "many ladies were present." Oh, could not you have managed to go?
If your uncle's set cared about these things, would not some of them have taken you?'
'Perhaps, if I had asked them.But I think they would have 'You might have told your uncle how matters really stood, he would not have talked about it if you had wished him not, I am sure, and he could have helped you.'
'Once for all, Molly,' said Cynthia, now laying down her work, and speaking with quick authority, 'do learn to understand that it is, and always has been my wish, not to have the relation which Roger and I bear to each other, mentioned or talked about.When the right time comes, I will make it known to my uncle, and to everybody whom it may concern; but I am not going to make mischief, and get myself into trouble - even for the sake of hearing compliments paid to him - by letting it out before the time.If I'm pushed to it, I'd sooner break it off altogether at once, and have done with it.
I can't be worse off than I am now.' Her angry tone had changed into a kind of desponding complaint before she had ended her sentence.Molly looked at her with dismay.
'I can't understand you, Cynthia,' she said at length.
'No; I dare say you can't,' said Cynthia, looking at her with tears in her eyes, and very tenderly, as if in atonement for her late vehemence.
'I am afraid - I hope you never will.'
In a moment, Molly's arms were round her.'Oh, Cynthia,' she murmured, 'have I been plaguing you? Have I vexed you? Don't say you're afraid of my knowing you.Of course you've your faults, everybody has, but I think I love you the better for them.'
'I don't know that I'm so very bad,' said Cynthia, smiling a little through the tears that Molly's words and caresses had forced to overflow from her eyes.'But I have got into scrapes.I am in a scrape now, I do sometimes believe I shall always be in scrapes, and if they ever come to light, I shall seem to be worse than I really am; and I know your father will throw me off, and I - no, I won't be afraid that you will, Molly.'
'I'm sure I won't.Are they - do you think - how would Roger take it?'
asked Molly, very timidly.
'I don't know.I hope he will never hear of it.I don't see why he should, for in a little while I shall be quite clear again.It all came about without my ever thinking I was doing wrong.I've a great mind to tell you all about it, Molly.'
Molly did not like to urge it, though she longed to know, and to see if she could not offer help; but while Cynthia was hesitating, and perhaps, to say the truth, rather regretting that she had even made this slight advance towards bestowing her confidence, Mrs Gibson came in, full of some manner of altering a gown of hers, so as to make it into the fashion of the day, as she had seen it during her visit to London.Cynthia seemed to forget her tears and her troubles, and to throw her whole soul into millinery.
Cynthia's correspondence went on pretty briskly with her London cousins, according to the usual rate of correspondence in those days.Indeed Mrs Gibson was occasionally inclined to complain of the frequency of Helen Kirkpatrick's letters; for before the penny post came in, the recipient had to pay the postage of letters; and elevenpence-halfpenny three times a week came, according to Mrs Gibson's mode of reckoning when annoyed, to a sum 'between three and four shillings.' But these complaints were only for the family; they saw the wrong side of the tapestry.Hollingford in general, the Miss Brownings in particular, heard of 'dear Helen's enthusiastic friendship for Cynthia' and of 'the real pleasure it was to receive such constant news - relays of news indeed - from London.It was almost as good as living there!'
'A great deal better I should think,' said Miss Browning with some severity.
For she had got many of her notions of the metropolis from the British Essayists, where town is so often represented as the centre of dissipation, corrupting country wives and squires' daughters, and unfitting them for all their duties by the constant whirl of its not always innocent pleasures.
London was a sort of moral pitch, which few could touch and not be defiled.
Miss Browning had been on the watch for the signs of deterioration in Cynthia's character ever since her return home.But, excepting in a greater number of pretty and becoming articles of dress, there was no great change for the worse to be perceived.Cynthia had been 'in the world,' had 'beheld the glare and glitter and dazzling display of London,' yet had come back to Hollingford as ready as ever to place a chair for Miss Browning, or to gather flowers for a nosegay for Miss Phoebe, or to mend her own clothes.
But all this was set down to the merits of Cynthia, not to the credit of London-town.