To be sure he sat in a cold stupor of dejection for a good half hour; but at the end of that time he lifted up his head, and said quietly, "So be it. I'll get the trial over, and my sanity established, as soon as possible: and then I'll hire a yacht and hunt her husband till I find him."Having settled this little plan, he looked out for Julia, whose sympathy he felt in need of after such a stern blow.
She came out much later than usual that day, for to tell the truth, her mother had detained her to show her Alfred's letter, and her answer.
"Ah, mamma," said poor Julia, "you don't love me as you did once. Poor Alfred!"Mrs. Dodd sighed at this reproach, but said she did not deserve it. No mother in her senses would consent to such a match.
Julia bowed her head submissively and went to her duties. But when Alfred came to her open-mouthed to complain of her mother's cruelty, she stopped him at once, and asked him how he could go and write that foolish, unreasonable letter. Why had he not consulted her first? "You have subjected yourself to a rebuff," said she angrily, "and one from which Ishould have saved you. Is it nothing that mamma out of pity to me connives at our meeting and spending hours together? Do you think she does no violence to her own wishes here? and is she to meet with no return?""What, are you against me too?" said poor Alfred.
"No, it is you who are our enemy with your unreasonable impatience.""I am not so cold-blooded as you are, certainly.""Humility and penitence would become you better than to retort on me. Ilove you both, and pray God on my knees to show me how to do my duty to both.""That is it; you are not single-hearted like me. You want to please all the world, and reconcile the irreconcilable. It won't do: you will have to choose between your mother and me at last.""Then of course I shall choose my mother.""Why?"
"Because she claims my duty as well as my love; because she is bowed down with sorrow, and needs her daughter just now more than you do; besides, you are my other self, and we must deny ourselves.""We have no more right to be unjust to ourselves than to anybody else;injustice is injustice.""Alfred, you are a high-minded Heathen, and talk Morality. Morality is a snare. What I pray to be is a Christian, as your dear sister was, and to deny myself; and you make it, oh so difficult.""So I suppose it will end in turning out your heathen and then taking your curate. Your mother would consent to that directly.""Alfred," said Julia with dignity, "these words are harsh, and--forgive me for saying so--they are coarse. Such words would separate us two, without my mother, if I were to hear many of them; for they take the bloom off affection, and that mutual reverence, without which no gentleman and lady could be blessed in holy wedlock."Alfred was staggered and mortified too: they walked on in silence now.
"Alfred," said Julia at last, "do not think me behind you in affection, but wiser, for once, and our best friend. I do think we had better see less of one another for a time, my poor Alfred.""And why for a time? Why not for ever?""If your heart draws no distinction, why not indeed?""So be it then: for I will be no woman's slave. There's my hand, Julia:
let us part friends."
"Thank you for that, dear Alfred: may you find some one who can love you more--than--I do."The words choked her. But he was stronger, because he was in a passion.
He reproached her bitterly. "If I had been as weak and inconstant as you are, I might have been out of Drayton House long before I did escape. But I was faithful to my one love. I have some right to sing 'Aileen Aroon,'
you have none. You are an angel of beauty and goodness; you will go to Heaven, and I shall go to the devil now for want of you; but then you have no constancy nor true fidelity: so that has parted us, and now nothing is left me but to try and hate you."He turned furiously on his heel.
"God bless you, go where you will," faltered Julia.
He replied with a fierce ejaculation of despair, and dashed away.
Thus temper and misunderstanding triumphed, after so many strange and bitter trials had failed.
But alas! it is often so.