I have met some people in SL who I have come to love very quickly. A confession： Yesterday’s story A Small Romance was not fiction. The entire dialogue in that story is real， taken verbatim from one of my instant messaging （IM） threads in Second Life. The lovely woman in the story is real， and the words are her words， ‘spoken’ in real time. We have forged a deep， trusting， loving friendship in a few hours together， using only our words and the gorgeous context-setting environments of SL， which let you simulate genuine introduction and real discovery， and find people --- deep， true friends to love and build community with， right in Second Life.
I don‘t know who or what this remarkable woman， or any of the other exceptional people I have met in SL， is or does in Real Life. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have proved that you can forge relationships as true and deep as anything in Real Life， astonishingly quickly， without ever meeting face to face or even speaking voice to voice. And if that is possible， it should also be possible to create a complete， functional Intentional Community full of loving relationships among people who have all of the qualities bulleted above， inside this imaginary world.
You probably don‘t believe this， and if you don’t I‘d ask you to read A Small Romance and see if it changes your mind. It changed mine.
What’s more， beautiful， limitless land exists in SL in which rich Intentional Communities could be constructed quite easily and inexpensively. They may already exist in ‘private’ spaces there （though I doubt it）. I have seen some places there that would be perfect， lovely laboratories for experimenting until we know how to make Intentional Communities really work.
Now I come to a troubling thesis about such communities. I am convinced that （a） they must be polyamory， and （b） they must be exclusive. By polyamory I mean that every member of these communities must love each of the other members without constraint or reservation. That’s why emotional strength is so important. There is no room for the jealousy， possessiveness， neediness that pervades the Real World. Even in SL a distressing number of members brag that they are ‘owned’ by or even ‘slaves’ to， others. I‘ve speculated on why this might be true -- the brutality of the modern world， the pro-monogamy social indoctrination we receive from birth， pathological co-dependencies， and the jealousy and possessiveness and pain that our perverse meting out of love as a scarce resource leads to.
I don’t believe any of this is natural. I believe we are created， like most natural creatures， to love many others without limit， without fear， without shame， jealousy， possessiveness or doubt. The term for this is polyamory， which literally means ‘loving many’. It has a connotation of promiscuity， but that’s because we cynically believe that love of many means only sexual love. The love I‘m referring to is more expansive， deeper， combining intellectual， emotional， sensual and erotic love. In a completely generous and genuine natural community that is emotionally healthy， where everyone loves everyone else and love is abundant not scarce， love pervades everything and is demonstrated in cooperative work， in conversation， in art and science endeavours， in discovery and imagination， and in sensory and sexual exploration of others in the community. There are no exclusive pairings， because there is no need for them. Physical and sexual caresses may be frequent， but they are also fun， casual and pleasurable， and never possessive. They are just another way of saying ’I love you‘.
I believe only people who have most or all of the eleven essential qualities bulleted above have what it takes to make such a polyamory community work. And while there should be no exclusive relationships within a polyamory community， I think it is essential that membership in the polyamory community itself be exclusive. By that I mean that new members of such a community would have to meet and be approved unanimously by the existing members. This would entail the founding members， as few as two or three， meeting and ’feeling out‘ people in the more social areas of SL， perhaps using the bullets above as a type of informal scorecard （but also going on instinct）， and then， only after they had met and been approved by all existing members， would new members be invited to the private space in SL where the Intentional Community ’lived‘.
Could such a process create Model Intentional Communities in SL that would teach us what we need to do to make them work in Real Life， and teach us the qualities and capacities we need to acquire to make them work， and in so doing make the world a better place？
I think it could， and I’m going to try. This process may sound elitist， and perhaps it is. Just as a doctor can‘t take every patient home with him or her， we can’t， alas， help everyone， though we should try to love others （both inside and outside our communities） and help them as much as we can.
So that’s my wild and crazy idea. I‘m still thinking it through， but I think there’s something important here. I‘d welcome your thoughts.