“Couples should seek psychological counseling before getting wed so they can beprepared for a lifetime commitment,” said Gao. “Divorce may be easier than ever but theyshould be made to realize this is a serious issue.”
Liu admitted she now has a better idea of what it takes to make a marriage work.
“We (she and Wang) are selfish people and both grew up in single-child families, whichmakes it difficult to live with others,” she said. “I need to learn to be independent before I tiethe knot again.”
Divorce was traditionally thought to bring shame onto families but attitudes havechanged considerably over time. In 2004, authorities switched the color of the divorcecertificate from a depressing shade of green to red, which is the same color of Chinesemarriage certificates.
“It shows divorce is not treated as a bad thing anymore,” said a worker called Wu atBeijing’s Xicheng district registry office. “Just like marriage, it marks a new era for couplesand should be celebrated.”
There also remains only a small difference in the price, with marriage certificates costing31 yuan (5) and divorce certificates just 9 yuan.
“We are still young and divorce is just a chapter in our lives. I am looking forward to thenext chapter,” said Liu, who explained her parents supported her decision to split from Wangbecause they did not want “me to suffer anymore”.
“People say we are an irresponsible generation but I think divorces show we are seriousabout our lives and our responsibilities,” she added. (This was one of the few commentsWang agreed with.)
However, that sense of responsibility does not often stretch to the children, say experts,who claim post-1980s couples are too self-obsessed to consider the impact their separationmight have on their offspring, which stands in stark contrast to older generations.
“Rather than fighting for custody, more young couples are going to court becauseneither of them wants to take care of their children,” said Wang Jianzhong, a judge at thecapital’s Fengtai District People’s Court.
They are not worried they cannot care for a child, he said; they simply feel their son ordaughter would be a burden on their future love life.
“For many, a child is just another piece of property,” said Wang Jianzhong. “They(couples) need to grow up.”
Staying single
The high divorce rates, as well as other financial pressures, have shaded the view ofmarriage among the post-1980s generation, said Hu Jia, a psychologist at the Beijing Lu Yuanclinic.
Hu has been offering counseling to a group known as kong hun zu, or “the tribe thatfears marriage”, for about two years and has seen her patients double in number.
“The generation is facing a lot of social pressure - sky-high property prices, jobinsecurity,” she said. “They are afraid marriage will add more pressure to their lives.”
For many young Chinese, owning a house is a basic pre-condition to marriage, so themajority of post-1980s couples put off getting married until they can afford one.
Life pressures are also cited as one of the main reasons that many 20-somethings aredesperate to get hitched to a member of the “rich second generation”, those born after 1980into wealthy families.
A survey of 992 college women in South China’s Guangdong province found thatalmost 60 percent wanted to marry a man from the rich second generation, said theGuangzhou All-China Women’s Federation.
“Many women are more than willing to find love in wealthy men so they can pursuecomfortable lives,” said Liu Huqian, a professor at Guangzhou University.
But marrying a modern-day prince does not guarantee a fairytale ending, said JiaMingjun, a Shanghai divorce lawyer.
“The imbalance of wealth means (the one without the money) is very vulnerable,”
he said. “Also, they often struggle to be accepted by their partner’s parents, who are veryprotective of their wealth.”
Jia explained that, in his experience, the majority of those who divorce are promptedto do so by their parents, who are the ones who really hold the purse strings. “Rich peoplein China have also learned to use pre-nuptial agreements, as they usually mean the wife getsnothing,” he added.
However, many women still see marrying into money as a shortcut to happiness andsome even register with online dating websites for the sole purpose of snaring a wealthy man.
“Please do not disturb me if you are not from the rich second generation,” reads a lonelyheart advertisement posted under the name of Cheng Li on jiayuan.com, a popular datingservice. “Of course I will marry for love - but only marry for love with a wealthy man,”
wrote the 23-year-old.
Although the post-1980s generation is often criticized for rushing into marriage andbeing irresponsible, there are many examples of those who have got it right.
Chen Jian and his wife, Li Jingjing, are both 27 and were raised in single-child families.
They got married as soon as they graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University, wherethey met.
“We had no house and no jobs, all we had is each other’s support,” said Chen, whonow works for a foreign company and owns a two-bedroom apartment in Beijing’s centralbusiness district. “Our marriage has made us stronger and transformed us from immatureyouths to responsible adults.
“We’ll never get a divorce, because we love each other,” he said, smiling. “Two is alwaysbetter than one.”
August 20, 2010
Springing the Net to reconnect
Board games helping young Chinese reconnect in the digital age.
Zhou Wenting and Peng Yining in Beijing report.
Chen Wen admits she was starting to get weary of her “online life”.
Despite spending at least eight hours a day staring at a screen at work, the 23-year-old said she would regularly head home to play Web games or visit chat rooms untilwell after midnight.
But that was until early 2010, when she finally turned off her computer and tuned into the latest craze sweeping the country - modern role-playing games.