2）切忌太深刻
我曾为一个“有10块美金你会怎么花”的命题绞尽脑汁，不但设计要标新立异，并且讨论一些深刻的思想，以此想让招生官员能对我留下印象。在不知道外国人如何深刻和创新之前不要去用英语表达自己深刻和创造性的想法。在不同的文化和语言体系下，深刻，新颖有创造力的标准可能会不同。我们大多中国留学生没有和外国小孩有过多地接触，甚至连在网上都没经常和外国人聊过，都还处于初步理解外国文化的阶段，所以在写个人陈述时想切入外国人的价值体系是比较冒险的，身为圈外人的我们作文下笔谈感想、作议论一定要谨慎。要清醒认识到Our English is good for deion and some explanation，but not for reflection.So stay away from discussing your deep thoughts for the time being till you're learned to think in English.（我们英语写作的优势在于描述和作一些基本解释，而非讨论一件事。在你没有达到用英语思维之前，暂时尽量避免进行深刻的讨论。）
说到这儿，给大家亮一篇我过去写过的“失败”的个人陈述，大家可以结合我上边总结的教训边看边体会我“失败”在哪儿。
当时该校给的命题是：“如果你有10美元，你会如何使用”：
My hometown is divided into two parts.In the city's north，the skyscrapers form the skyline of a modern city undergoing massive commercial development.Yet the southern part still sleeps in the cradle of the old Chinese culture.Only sidewalks，no roads，are covering this sleepy small town place.The faint ringing of a bicycle bell is enough to break the silence of the entire place.Elderly men like to walk leisurely，sometimes stop and watch other old men sitting in door way playing Chinese chess.
I go to a bank to exchange＄10 for a total of RMB 82 and stick it into my pocket.
Walking into the old town，at the second turn I arrive at the front gate of a public bathhouse with a faded name frame.When I enter，I see many customers，pretty much all locals.The vapor cloud surrounding me already makes me sweaty.I go to the men's side，cannot wait to throw off my clothes，and slide into the big pool at the center.It brings thorough relaxation.In this place，people take off the daily defenses and chat without restrain.I heard the capture of Saddam by the U.S troop.I felt the excitement over the progress toward the 2008 Beijing Olympic.After a while of soaking，I tell the bathhouse worker I want a massage.He leads me across a room full of beds.A short man comes from the back.His face is sharp，but smiling for no obvious reason and always staring at me.I realize he is blind.I tell him about the soreness around my neck and shoulders and the occasional muscle cramp in my leg during basketball practice.He asks me to lie face down on the bed and proceeds to push，roll，grasp，rub，punch and knead.At first，I am scared that his small hands can possess a force of a tiger，and his rocking and rolling actions toss me about like a toy.But I feel my shoulders，lower back，legs and eventually the overall body slowly sooth and warm until teardrops wet my face.
“How much is everything？”I say at the counter.“10.5 Yuan”I pass him 11 Yuan and tell him to keep the change，citing that's what I learned in America.
It is near noon and I feel starved.Following a unique food smell around the corner of the street，I come upon a Chinese Herbal Food Restaurant.After I take the order，four dishes get on the table very soon.On my left hand，the lamb slices are stirred with a bit of honey and decorated with spicy young spring bamboo shoots.This dish brings the“fire”that can warm up my appetite and improve my digestion system.For a middle-aged man，I even heard it has an effect similar to Viagra.Next to it is the pork chop watermelon soup.The pork chop is boiled in water with watermelon rind and wolf berry to make a think broth buoyant with the scent of fruit.The dish is only moderately medicinal and said to ease the excretion of urine and sweat，and nourish the skin for beauty.In ancient time，It appealed to many concubines who served Chinese aristocrats in their palaces.On the right hand is a cup of conge blended with eight colors of different types of nuts，which obviously provides many proteins.Next to it is a drink where pear，lychee and flow pedals are stewed and let cool.In contrast to the fiery beef，its refreshing and slightly sweet nourishes and enhances the lung's functioning and gives a feeling of tranquility.I appreciate the food so much.It gives the feeling of sweat and breath becoming clear and the whole digestive system being washed clean.
“How much is it？“I asked.
“20 Yuan.”