Now， Johnnie would accept the praise because there was nofollow-up of an inference of failure. We have called his attentionto the behavior we wished to change indirectly and the chancesare he will try to live up to our expectations.
Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonderswith sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.
Marge Jacob of Woonsocket， Rhode Island， told one of our classes how she convinced some sloppy construction workers to clean upafter themselves when they were building additions to her house.
For the first few days of the work， when Mrs. Jacob returnedfrom her job， she noticed that the yard was strewn with the cutends of lumber. She didn’t want to antagonize the builders， becausethey did excellent work. So after the workers had gone home， sheand her children picked up and neatly piled all the lumber debris ina corner. The following morning she called the foreman to one sideand said， “I’m really pleased with the way the front lawn was leftlast night; it is nice and clean and does not offend the neighbors.”
From that day forward the workers picked up and piled the debristo one side， and the foreman came in each day seeking approval ofthe condition the lawn was left in after a day’s work.
One of the major areas of controversy between members ofthe army reserves and their regular army trainers is haircuts. Thereservists consider themselves civilians （which they are most ofthe time） and resent having to cut their hair short.
Master Sergeant Harley Kaiser addressed himself to this problemwhen he was working with a group of reserve noncommissionedofficers. As an old-time regular-army master sergeant， he mighthave been expected to yell at his troops and threaten them.
Instead he chose to make his point indirectly.
“Gentlemen，” he started， “you are leaders. You will be mosteffective when you lead by example. You must be the examplefor your men to follow. You know what the army regulations sayabout haircuts. I am going to get my hair cut today， although it isstill much shorter than some of yours. You look at yourself in themirror， and if you feel you need a haircut to be a good example，we’ll arrange time for you to visit the post barbership.”
PRINCIPLE 2：
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 24
Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
My niece， Josephine Carnegie， had come to New York to bemy secretary. She was nineteen， had graduated from high schoolthree years previously， and her business experience was a triflemore than zero. She became one of the most proficient secretarieswest of Suez， but in the beginning， she was—well， susceptibleto improvement. One day when I started to criticize her， I saidto myself： “Just a minute， Dale Carnegie; just a minute. You aretwice as old as Josephine. You have had ten thousand times asmuch business experience. How can you possibly expect her tohave your viewpoint， your judgment， your initiative—mediocrethough they may be? And just a minute， Dale， what were youdoing at nineteen? Remember the asinine mistakes and blundersyou made? Remember the time you did this … and that…?”
After thinking the matter over， honestly and impartially， Iconcluded that Josephine’s batting average at nineteen was betterthan mine had been—and that， I’m sorry to confess， isn’t payingJosephine much of a compliment.
So after that， when I wanted to call Josephine’s attention toa mistake， I used to begin by saying， “You have made a mistake，Josephine， but the Lord knows， it’s no worse than many I havemade. You were not born with judgment. That comes only withexperience， and you are better than I was at your age. I have beenguilty of so many stupid， silly things myself， I have very littleinclination to criticize you or anyone. But don’t you think it wouldhave been wiser if you had done so and so?” It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizingbegins by humbly admitting that he， too， is far from impeccable.
E. G. Dillistone， an engineer in Canada， was having problemswith his new secretary. Letters he dictated were coming to hisdesk for signature with two or three spelling mistakes per page.
Mr. Dillistone reported how he handled this：“Like many engineers， I have not been noted for my excellentEnglish or spelling. For years I have kept a little black thumbindex book for words I had trouble spelling. When it becameapparent that merely pointing out the errors was not going tocause my secretary to do more proofreading and dictionary work，I resolved to take another approach. When the next letter came tomy attention that had errors in it， I sat down with the typist andsaid：
“‘somehow this word doesn’t look right. It’s one of the wordsI always have had trouble with. That’s the reason I started thisspelling book of mine. [I opened the book to the appropriatepage.] Yes， here it is. I’m very conscious of my spelling nowbecause people do judge us by our letters and misspellings makeus look less professional.’
“I don’t know whether she copied my system or not， but sincethat conversation， her frequency of spelling errors has beensignificantly reduced.”
Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t correctedthem—can help convince somebody to change his behavior. Thiswas illustrated more recently by Clarence Zerhusen of Timonium，Maryland， when he discovered his fifteen-year-old son wasexperimenting with cigarettes.
“Naturally， I didn’t want David to smoke，” Mr. Zerhusen toldus， “but his mother and I smoked cigarettes; we were giving hima bad example all the time. I explained to Dave how I started smoking at about his age and how the nicotine had gotten thebest of me and now it was nearly impossible for me to stop. Ireminded him how irritating my cough was and how he had beenafter me to give up cigarettes not many years before.