But Mr. Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session about foreign relations, and was going to write strong articles on the subject; and as he greatly favoured the free and independent custom (a very harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information of any sort in any kind of confidence, and afterwards perverting it publicly in any manner that happened to suit him, he had determined to get at Martin's opinions somehow or other. For if he could have got nothing out of him, he would have had to invent it for him, and that would have been laborious. He made a mental note of his answer, and went in again.
`You are from Eden, sir? How did you like Eden?'
Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty strong terms.
`It is strange,' said Pogram, looking round upon the group, `this hatred of our country, and her Institutions! This national antipathy is deeply rooted in the British mind!'
`Good Heaven, sir,' cried Martin. `Is the Eden Land Corporation, with Mr. Scadder at its head, and all the misery it has worked, at its door, an Institution of America? A part of any form of government that ever was known or heard of?'
`I con-sider the cause of this to be,' said Pogram, looking round again and taking himself up where Martin had interrupted him, `partly jealousy and pre-judice, and partly the nat'ral unfitness of the British people to appreciate the ex-alted Institutions of our native land. I expect, sir,' turning to Martin again, `that a gentleman named Chollop happened in upon you during your lo-cation in the town of Eden?'
`Yes,' answered Martin; `but my friend can answer this better than I can, for I was very ill at the time. Mark! The gentleman is speaking of Mr. Chollop.'
`Oh. Yes, sir. Yes. I see him,' observed Mark.
`A splendid example of our na-tive raw material, sir?' said Pogram, interrogatively.
`Indeed, sir!' cried Mark.
The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he would have said, `Observe this! See what follows!' and they rendered tribute to the Pogram genius by a gentle murmur.
`Our fellow-countryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur's mould!' said Pogram, with enthusiasm. `He is a true-born child of this free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; bright and flowing as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering conventionalities as air our broad and boundless Perearers! Rough he may be. So air our Barrs. Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. But he is a child of Natur', and a child of Freedom; and his boastful answer to the Despot and the Tyrant is, that his bright home is in the Settin Sun.'
Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, who, being a public defaulter not very long before (a character not at all uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on whose behalf Mr. Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last sentence from his seat in Congress, at the head of an unpopular President. It told brilliantly; for the bystanders were delighted, and one of them said to Martin, `that he guessed he had now seen something of the eloquential aspect of our country, and was chawed up pritty small.'
Mr. Pogram waited until his hearers were calm again, before he said to Mark:
`You do not seem to coincide, sir?'
`Why,' said Mark, `I didn't like him much; and that's the truth, sir.
I thought he was a bully; and I didn't admire his carryin' them murderous little persuaders, and being so ready to use 'em.'
`It's singler!' said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to look all round from under it. `It's strange! You observe the settled opposition to our Institutions which pervades the British mind!'
`What an extraordinary people you are!' cried Martin. `Are Mr. Chollop and the class he represents, an Institution here? Are pistols with revolving barrels, sword-sticks, bowie-knives, and such things, Institutions on which you pride yourselves? Are bloody duels, brutal combats, savage assaults, shooting down and stabbing in the streets, your Institutions! Why, I shall hear next that Dishonour and Fraud are among the Institutions of the great republic!'
The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram looked round again.
`This morbid hatred of our Institutions,' he observed, `is quite a study for the psychological observer. He's alludin' to Repudiation now!'
`Oh! You may make anything an Institution if you like,' said Martin, laughing, `and I confess you had me there, for you certainly have made that one. But the greater part of these things are one Institution with us, and we call it by the generic name of Old Bailey!'
The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away into the cabin, whither the Honourable Elijah Pogram fled with such precipitation that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so tightly in the cabin door that it could neither be let down nor got out. For a minute or so this accident created a perfect rebellion among the hungry passengers behind, who, seeing the dishes, and hearing the knives and forks at work, well knew what would happen unless they got there instantly, and were nearly mad: while several virtuous citizens at the table were in deadly peril of choking themselves in their unnatural efforts to get rid of all the meat before these others came.
They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the breach.